Sensitivity: Questionable

Questionable humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • It’s Rust

    After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Doctor,” the man said, “I don’t mind telling you, but I’m a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can’t possibly be mine.”

    “Nonsense,” the doctor said. “Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.”

    “It isn’t possible,” the man insisted. “This can’t be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.”

    “Well,” said the doctor, “let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?”

    The man seemed a bit ashamed. “I’ve been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.”

    “Well, there you have it!” the doctor said confidently. “It’s rust.”

  • I Don’t Know How I’m Going to Pay You

    The young man was obsessed by the beautiful secretary in his office. He just had to kiss her and touch her body and…

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    One day, he plucked up the courage to speak to her. “I think you’re so gorgeous, if I paid you $250, would you come into the storeroom with me so that I can kiss you and rub my hands up and down your body?”

    Now the girl liked money a lot, so she agreed and they disappeared into the storeroom. For the next 10 minutes, he showered her with kisses, unbuttoning her blouse and ravishing her breasts, but all the time, he kept murmuring, “I don’t know, I don’t know.”

    Eventually, she asked, “Why do you keep saying ‘I don’t know’?”

    “Well, I don’t know how I’m going to pay you.”

  • It’s Pronounced Quiche

    When Trump was still infesting the White House the first time around, he and Mike Pence were having breakfast.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The waitress asked Pence what he wanted and he replied, “I’d like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit.”

    “And what can I get for you, Mr. President?” asked the waitress.

    Trump replied with his trademark lecherous leer, “How about a quickie this morning?”

    “Mr. President!” the waitress exclaimed. “How rude!” And she stormed away.

    Pence leaned over to Trump and whispered, “Mr. President, it’s pronounced quiche.”

  • A Talking Pig

    A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    She read, “And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’”

    The teacher paused, then asked the class, “And what do you think the man said?”

    One little boy raised his hand and said very matter of factly, “I think the man would have said, ‘Well, fuck me! A talking pig!’”

  • Ask the Auctioneer If They Were All With the Same Cow

    A couple went to an agricultural show on a fine Sunday afternoon and were watching the bull auction.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The auctioneer announced, “A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times last year.”

    The wife nudged her husband and said, “See! That was more than once a week!”

    The second bull was brought up and the auctioneer said, “Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year.”

    Again the wife nudged her husband. “Hey, that’s more than twice a week. What do you say to that?”

    Her husband, getting really annoyed, still said nothing.

    The third bull was brought up, and the auctioneer announced, “And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!”

    The wife slapped her husband on the arm and shouted, “That’s once a day every day of the year! How about you?”

    Her husband yelled back, “Sure, once a day! Great! But, ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!”

  • Customer Complaints

    I was on a flight with my 3 kids.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    When a lady asked, “Are all those your kids?”

    I replied, “No, I work for a condom company, these are customer complaints!”

  • I Thought I Finally Found a Friend

    A priest is walking in the park heading towards his church, when he suddenly hears a man shout, “Man, I sure do love minors!”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The priest turns around in shock and looks at the man who is talking on his phone. “Yeah! I mean you wouldn’t expect it, but they really know what they’re doing down there! They’re great at handling business!”

    The priest’s eyes widen in shock. He starts walking towards the man and is about to say something when the man goes, “Honestly dude, they deserve every penny of their salary! My company would go bankrupt if it wasn’t for those miners!”

    The priest stops, turns around and continues towards his church. At the church, the priest is visibly upset. One of the nuns finally asks him what the problem is, and the priest explains the whole story and how he misjudged the man.

    At the end, with tears in his eyes, the priest goes, “You know, I thought I finally had found a friend!”

  • I Don’t Know How Much He Charges for Howard

    A farmer drove to a neighbor’s farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy about 9 opened the door.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Is your dad or your mum home?” asked the farmer.

    “No, they went to town,” the boy replied.

    “How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”

    “No, he went with mum and dad.”

    The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

    “I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. Or I can give dad a message,” said the boy.

    “Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your dad. It’s about your brother, Howard, getting my daughter Susie pregnant.”

    The boy thought for a moment.

    “You would have to talk to dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.”

  • Superman You’re a Real Jerk When You’ve Been Drinking

    A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper and orders a cold beer.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    As he’s sipping it, he suddenly watches the guy next to him stroll over to the window… and jump right out!

    “Good grief! Did you see that!? That man just jumped out the window!”

    The bartender doesn’t even blink.

    Shaken, the man takes another sip. A minute later, the same guy walks back in, sits down, orders another drink, finishes it, and jumps out the window again.

    The man shouts, “Are you kidding me!? He did it again!”

    Still, the bartender says nothing.

    The guy comes back into the bar and orders another drink.

    Finally, the man asks, “How on earth are you surviving those jumps?”

    The guy grins and says, “Oh, it’s this special drink. If you finish it fast enough, you can float.”

    Excited, the man orders the same “floatie” drink, chugs it, runs to the window, jumps out… and SPLAT — straight onto the sidewalk.

    The bartender sighs and says, “Superman… you’re a real jerk when you’ve been drinking.”

  • I Would Like to Do It Again

    My wife hasn’t spoken to me in 3 days and I have no idea what I did.

    Which is fucked up, because I would like to do it again.