Questionable humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A young man asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After sixty, they are like onions.”
“Onions?”
“Yes. See them, and they make you cry.”
Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her pet cat lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could. “I’m afraid Tiddles is dead Lucy”.
“So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that Daddy?” asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.
At a loss for something to say the father replied, “Tiddles’ legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven”.
Little Lucy seemed to take her cats death quite well. However two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: “Mummy almost died this morning”.
Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, “How do you mean Lucy?”
“Well”, mumbled Lucy, “soon after you left for work this morning I saw mummy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting “Oh Jesus!!! I’m coming, I’m coming!!!” and if it hadn’t been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy”.
A woman gets her vibrator stuck inside her. She goes to the doctor to remove it and the Dr. says “it’s too far up there, I can’t reach it enough to pull it out”.
The woman then replies “if you can’t get it out, can you at least reach it well enough to change the batteries?”
A guy visiting Arizona wants to get some.
He finds a pretty escort of Native American origin.
**Girl**: My fee is three hundred dollars.
**Guy**: Whaaaat? Your forefathers only wanted twenty-four bucks for the whole of Manhattan Island!
**Girl**: True enough… but Manhattan Island just lies there.
A mother had three daughters and, on their wedding day, she told each one of them to write back about their married life.
The first one gets married and the second day the letter arrives with a single message, simply:
“MAXWELL COFFEE HOUSE”
Mother was very confused and finally noticed a Maxwell Advert, and it said:
“Satisfaction to the last drop…” So, Mother was happy.
Then the second daughter got married. After a week, there was a message that read:
“ROTHMANS”
So, the Mother looked at a Rothmans ad, and it said:
“LIFE SIZE, KING SIZE” And Mother was happy.
Then it the third one got married. Mother was anxious. After four weeks came the message:
“BRITISH AIRWAYS”
So mother looked at the BA ad, but this time she fainted. The ad read:
“TWO TIMES A DAY, FOUR TIMES A WEEK, BOTH WAYS.”
While I love weapons, nudity and sports, perhaps I should have spent a little more time thinking through the reality of Bucknekkid Dart Tag.
Two gay gentlemen decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.
Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the gays’ delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. “Isn’t it wonderful?”
Brad exclaims. “All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.”
The nurse says, “He’s happy now. But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.”
Two gay gentlemen were walking through a zoo. They came across the gorillas and after a while they noticed that the huge male gorilla had a massive erection. This fascinated the gay men so much they couldn’t take their eyes off of it.
One of the men just couldn’t bear it any longer and he reached into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabbed him, dragged him into the cage and screwed him for six hours non-stop. When he was done, the gorilla threw the gay man back out of the cage.
An ambulance was called and the man was taken away to the hospital. The next day his friend visits him in the hospital and asked, “Are you hurt?”
“AM I HURT?” he shouted, “Wouldn’t you be? That big ape hasn’t called, he hasn’t written…”
