Sensitivity: Questionable

Questionable humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • My Lawyer

    So the boss gets a hot new secretary, and almost immediately they start having an affair. However, within a few weeks, he is feeling displeased at the way she is performing at work: coming to work late, ignoring phone calls, and so on.

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    Finally, he pulls her aside and says, “Listen, baby, we may have gone to bed together a few times, but who said you could start coming in late and slacking off?”

    And the secretary says, “My lawyer.”

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  • Right Around the Entrance

    Patient: Doctor, my bottom hurts.

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    Doctor: Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?

    Patient: Right around the entrance.

    Doctor: As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.

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  • The Lesbian Bar With No Fire Exits

    A guy walks into a bar.

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    He sits down at the counter and orders himself a beer. As he’s drinking it, he starts looking around the barroom. He sees the tables, the dance floor, the wall pictures, and other typical bar stuff, but something feels a bit off to him about this place. He takes another quick look around at all of the women dancing, chatting, and having a good time. Then it finally dawns on him.

    This lesbian bar had no fire exits.

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  • Mistress Hooker and Wife

    What’s the difference between a mistress, a hooker, and a wife?

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    The mistress says, “Oh honey! More! Deeper!”

    The hooker says, “Come on! Faster! Time to go!”

    The wife says, “Beige! Beige! I’m going to paint the ceiling beige!”

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  • A Stroke at Any Time

    My doctor said I could masturbate as much as I want…

    That’s what he meant when he said I could have a stroke at any time, right?

  • The 30th Anniversary Dinner

    A husband and wife are celebrating their 30th anniversary at a quiet romantic restaurant when a beautiful young woman walks up to their table, kisses the husband deeply on the lips, and says, “See you tomorrow, babe,” before strolling out.

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    The wife is absolutely furious. She slams her glass down and screams, “Who the fuck was that?!”

    The husband calmly takes a sip of his wine and says, “Relax, honey. That’s my mistress.”

    “Mistress?!” the wife shrieks. “That is it! I want a divorce, I’m taking the house, the kids, and half of everything you own!”

    The husband shrugs. “Fine, if that’s what you want. But remember, if we divorce, that means no more shopping trips to Paris, no more summer villa in Tuscany, no more Infiniti in the driveway, and no more country club membership. The choice is yours.”

    Just then, they look across the restaurant and see a mutual friend of theirs sitting with a stunning brunette.

    The wife narrows her eyes and asks, “Isn’t that Richard over there? Who is he with?”

    The husband nods. “Oh, that’s his mistress.”

    The wife takes a long sip of her champagne, looks back at her husband, and says, “Well… I must say, ours is much prettier.”

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  • Little Johnny and the Word Fascinate

    The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

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    Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”

    The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not ‘fascinating.’”

    Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

    The teacher said, “Well, that was good, Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate.’”

    Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by him before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

    Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

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  • Wouldnt Watch That If I Were You

    Wouldnt Watch That If I Were You

    look what I found in my mother’s room

    Aye man, I wouldn’t watch that if I were you

  • The Master Key and the Bad Lock

    A woman said, “If I sleep with 3 men, I’m labeled EASY.

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    But when a man sleeps with 10 women everyone calls him a real man. How come?”

    A Chinese man replied, “It’s very simple.

    Confucius say, when one lock can be opened by three different keys, it’s a bad lock!

    But when one key can open 10 different locks, we call it a master key!”

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  • The Millionaire’s Confession

    A millionaire goes to church to confess.

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    The priest asks, “What is your sin, my son?”

    “Father, I am too greedy.”

    “Greed is a grave sin. Here’s what you must do: when you leave the church, give $100 to the first person you see.”

    “What?! $100 to a stranger?”

    “My son, you must do it if you wish to set yourself on the path to righteousness and redemption.”

    The millionaire agrees and leaves the church.

    At first, there’s no one around. Then he walks a bit further and spots a young woman… high heels, short skirt, heavy makeup.

    He approaches her, hands her $100 and says, “Here, take this.”

    She looks at it and says, “No, that’s not enough. I need $300.”

    “$300?! The priest told me I only had to give $100!”

    “Well that’s because the priest is a regular customer…”

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