Tone: Clever

Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • At 49 a Drink

    A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a martini.

    The bartender is stunned, but he shrugs and makes the drink.

    When he brings it over, the gorilla hands him a $50 bill.

    Now the bartender is really amazed. A gorilla walked in, ordered a martini, and actually paid for it.

    At the register he pauses and thinks, let’s see if the gorilla notices anything.

    So he comes back and gives the gorilla $1 in change.

    The gorilla just sits there quietly sipping his martini.

    After a few minutes the bartender can’t take it anymore and says, “You know… we don’t get many gorillas in here.”

    The gorilla takes another sip and replies, “At $49 a drink, I’m surprised you get any customers at all.”

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  • Now She Wants to Break Three

    My daughter broke two of my Freddie Mercury records.

    Now she wants to break three.

  • Explain It Five Times

    A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender “Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

    The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The BARTENDER is blond, the BOUNCER is blond and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb blond with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 225 lb and he’s a blond weight lifter,” he continues, “The fella to your right is blond, 6’5″ and pushing 300 lb and he’s a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?”

    The blind guy goes: “Nah! Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

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  • Count to 70

    Why can’t a blonde count to 70?

    Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful

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  • Knock Yourself Out

    I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthesia.

    He said, “Sure, knock yourself out.”

  • Obi Wan Cannoli

    Obi Wan Cannoli

  • Fool Me -(n) Times

    Fool me zero times, shame on nobody.

    Fool me -(n) times, where nA = {x ∈ ℝ | 0 < x ≤ 1}, -(shame) on you.

  • Not Kinky Enough Daddy Long Legs

    Not Kinky Enough Daddy Long Legs

  • I Seriously Doubt My Mom Would Go for It

    I don’t think I could ever be “born again,” like some of those Evangelicals I see. I don’t remember much from the first time, but umbilical cords freak me out, and I seriously doubt my mom would go for it.

  • The Hard Disk

    Last night, my friends and I went to a geek strip club called “The Hard Disk.” Lame, you say? What if I told you they only charged $20 for a laptop dance?