A LITTLE HEAD
NEVER HURT ANYBODY
Tone: Clever
Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I Can Tell By the Voice
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?” I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled…
“It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
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Top 16 Euphemisms for Masturbation
The Top 16 Euphemisms for Masturbation
16. Lap-based web browsing
15. Gettin’ some air nookie
14. Wrangling the invertebrate serpent
13. Tango Con Mano
12. Jostling your Elder
11. Ruminating & Pondering
10. Shaking your fist at the ex-girlfriend
9. Releasing the hostages
8. Tickling your Elmo
7. Fixing the Hubble
6. Putting the seminal luge team through their paces
5. Carnal Tunnel Syndrome
4. Beda-testing the hardware
3. Downloading from your own website
2. Evicting the testicular squatters
1. Manually Increasing the Surface Temperature of the Ship’s Primary Cannon by Repeated Linear Manipulation
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List http://www.topfive.com ] -
Spain and Portugal Fit Like a Glove
Continental drift is no mere theory; it is fact. Forget about trying to fit Africa and South America together — just look at how Spain’s jagged western border fits Portugal’s jagged eastern border like a glove. Coincidence? Please.
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Top 17 Safe Porn Movies
The Top 17 Safe Porn Movies (R-rated)
17. Cold Shower Mountain
16. The Abstinent-Minded Professor
15. The Silence of the Loins
14. Mickey Blue Balls
13. Boys on the Side of Caution
12. Full Metal Chastity Belt
11. Harry Potter and the Extremely Dog-Eared Issue of Swank
10. The Longest Yawn
9. Emmanuelle Goes Pennsylvania Dutch
8. Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice… Have a Lovely Game of Bridge
7. Bone Alone
6. Fakin’ 2: Battery-Operated Boogaloo
5. Debbie Does Bupkis
4. Papa’s Celibate Condition
3. White Men Can’t Hump
2. Girl on Girl, Interrupted
1. All Quiet on the Wankin’ Front
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ] -
The Taxi Driver
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.”
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.Unleash Chaos -
Last One There Gets a Rotten Egg
Q: What did one sperm cell say to the other sperm cell?
A: Last one there gets a rotten egg!
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Social Security Kind
Nina and Liz are having a conversation during their lunch break.
Nina asks, “So, Liz, how’s your sex life these days?”
Liz replies, “Oh, you know. It’s the usual, Social Security kind.”
“Social Security?” Nina asked quizzically.
“Yeah, you get a little each month, but it’s not enough to live on.”
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Two Kinds of Booty
It’s funny how the hip-hop “booty” is different from the old-time pirate “booty” — yet if you have either of them, you can pretty easily get the other.
