Him: I try to talk and she just mumbles and throws up gang signs
Her: *signals* I’m deaf
Tone: Clever
Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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458 Days Luggage
These people waited 458 days just to get their luggage. Ridiculous
WE’VE WAITED 458 DAYS FOR THIS MOMENT
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Pirate Hook
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said: “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”
“What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”
Bartender: “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
Pirate: “Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”
Bartender: “Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”
Pirate: “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I’m fine, really…”
Bartender: “What about that eye patch?”
Pirate: “Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye.”
Bartender: “You’re kidding, you lost an eye just from bird shit?”
Pirate: “It was my first day with the hook.”
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Microsoft Office Pun
Boss: How good are you at Power Point?
Me: I Excel at it
Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?
Me: Word
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Send To Back Bus
Cut Copy Paste Change Picture… Group Bring to Front Send to Back Hyperlink… Save as Picture… Size and Position… Send to Back Send Backward
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KFC 11 Herbs Spices
The KFC twitter account only follows 11 people. The 5 spice girls and 6 guys named herb. This is because of their secret blend of 11 herbs and spices. The first person to notice and point this out was sent a painting of himself holding a drumstick while riding piggyback on the Colonel.
YUP
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Odyssey Named After
odysseus: we now set out on our odyssey.
sailor: [raising hand] what’s an odyssey?
odysseus: a long journey named after the only survivor.
sailor: oh ok wait what.
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Behold The Field Barren
BEHOLD THE FIELD IN WHICH I GROW MY FUCKS LOOK THOU VPON IT AND THOU SHALT SEE THAT IT IS BARREN.
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Too Weak Notice
I’ve decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy.
I just handed in my too weak notice.
