ROOT SPORTS BLUE JACKETS
SERGEI BOOBTITSKY #72
He is the chosen one.
Tone: Clever
Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Sawed Off Shotgun Valentine
My son got suspended from school for asking a girl to be his valentine and chasing her with a sawed off shotgun
#BoysWillBeBoys
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Nothing Would Please Me More
Husband: I’m getting you diamonds for our anniversary
Wife: Nothing would please me more
Husband: *Gets her nothing instead*
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Stereo Type
Whenever I think of the 80’s, my first thought is of a boom box.
Well that’s just a stereo type!
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Tyrannosaurus Shirt
Interesting fact: t-shirt is actually short for Tyrannosaurus Shirt
Because of the short arms.
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Jehovah Witness Working From Home
IF YOU GET AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT “KNOCK KNOCK”
DON’T OPEN IT
IT’S A JEHOVAH WITNESS WORKING FROM HOME
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Jokes About Unemployed People
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people.
But it doesn’t matter, none of them work.
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The Shower Drain
A young wife, freshly shaved, walks out of her bathroom into the master bedroom.
She lifts her teddy, revealing nothing underneath, licks her lips, winks, and says, “Sweetie, you know what this means, don’t you.”
Her young husband replies, “Yes, damn it, I am gonna have to spend all weekend unclogging the shower drain.”
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The Ambidextrous Golfer
A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, “I played on my college’s golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?” No one wants to say ‘yes’, but they’re on the spot…
Finally, one man says, “Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m.”
He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, “Okay.”
She’s there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round.
She’s fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed.
They congratulate her and invite her back the next week.
She smiles, and says, “I’ll be there at 6:30, or 6:45.”
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp.
Only this time, she plays left-handed.
The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.
They’re totally amazed.
They can’t figure her out.
She’s very pleasant and a gracious winner.
They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she’s 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys.
This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them.
The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part.
However, she’s so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can’t hold a grudge.
This woman is a riddle no one can figure out.
They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse and finally, one of the men asks her, “How do you decide if you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?”
The lady blushes, and grins. “When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned that I was ambidextrous.” she replies. “I like to switch back and forth.”
“When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed.”
The guys think this is hysterical.
Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, “What if it’s pointing straight up?”
She says, “Then, I’m fifteen minutes late.”
