Tone: Clever

Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Working Tirelessly

    Working Tirelessly

    WANTED: A man has been stealing wheels off of police cars.

    Police are working tirelessly to catch him.

  • An Edison

    What do you call a stolen Tesla?

    An Edison.

  • Same Middle Name

    What do Winnie the Pooh, Alexander the Great, and Andre the Giant all have in common?

    Same middle name.

  • The Difference Is Staggering

    It takes me 5 minutes to walk from my home to the bar, but 20 minutes to walk from the bar back to my home.

    The difference is staggering.

  • I Am Jesus Christ

    Two priests are walking down the street when a drunk comes up to them, falls onto one of them, and says, “I am Jesus Christ.”

    The priest, smelling the drunk, immediately pushes him off and says, “No, you are NOT Jesus Christ.”

    The drunk says, “Betcha I am. Follow me.” The priests look at one another before the drunk starts pulling one by the arm, dragging the priest into a corner pub.

    The drunk stumbles into the pub with the priests in tow, when the bartender shouts, “Jesus Christ, what are you doing back in here? I told you to leave!”

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  • Refuse to Work Sundaes

    I quit my job at the ice cream factory.

    I refuse to work sundaes.

  • Soft Tissue Damage

    I just had a stack of toilet paper rolls fall on me in the supermarket.

    It’s OK, though. Just some soft tissue damage.

  • Mucho

    I try to say ‘mucho’ when I am around my Hispanic friends.

    It means a lot to them.

  • Not a Match

    I was at a speed dating event, looking for a partner who can light my cigarette.

    The first candidate started telling me about how smoking is actually really bad for me.

    I told him that I appreciate his intention, but it’s not a match.

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  • Disabled Porn

    A guy takes his wife and two small kids on a driving vacation, and checks into a cheap motel. He asks the clerk, “For the sake of our kids’ TV viewing, can we have the porn disabled?”

    The clerk responds, “Who the hell would make their kids watch disabled porn, you sick bastard?”

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