I really want to break up with my jazz musician girlfriend, but I can’t.
The sax is too good.
Tone: Clever
Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Cold Calls
Someone just called my phone and sneezed, coughed, and then hung up.
I’m getting sick of these cold calls.
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Eclipse Colander
I was told I could look at the eclipse through a colander.
I tried it, but it strained my eyes.
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My Client Is Trapped Inside a Penny – He’s in a Cent – You’re Going to Jail With Him
Lawyer: my client is trapped inside a penny
Judge: what?
Lawyer: he’s in a cent
Judge: you’re going to jail with him
@baptain_brunch
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Can You Take Our Picture? Move a Little to Your Right… Perfect
couple: “can you take our picture?”
me: “sure. can you move a little to your right? a little more. perfect.”
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Dr. B. Gee – Presumably Good at Helping People Stay Alive
PRESUMABLY GOOD AT HELPING PEOPLE STAY ALIVE
Dr. B. Gee.
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How Is Beauty and the Beast a Tale as Old as Time? A Lady Hooks Up With a Big Dog and All the Candles Start Talking
how is beauty and the beast a “tale as old as time”? a lady hooks up with a big dog, and all the candles in the house start talking? I hope that hasn’t happened before
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Dog Food Lid Backwards Is Dildo of God – Skeletor Will Return Next Week
“DOG FOOD LID” BACKWARDS IS “DILDO OF GOD”.
SKELETOR WILL RETURN NEXT WEEK WITH MORE DISTURBING FACTS
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I Set My WiFi Password to 24446666668888888 – I Tell Them It’s 12345678
True story:
I set my wifi password to 24446666668888888. This way when somebody asks for my password I tell them it’s: 12345678 😂😂😂😂
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The Man Who Invented the Ferris Wheel Never Met the Man Who Invented the Merry Go Round – They Traveled in Different Circles
The man that invented the Ferris wheel never met the man that invented the merry go round. They traveled in different circles.
