Tone: Clever
Clever humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I had to put my foot down
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo…
I had to put my foot down. -
Going to the Mountain to Destroy a Ring – Brokeback Mountain / Lord of the Rings
Going to the mountain to destroy a ring
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
THE LORD OF THE RINGS
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The Egg Timer
This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. As I walked in, she turned to me and said, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!” My eyes lit up and I thought, “This is my lucky day!”
Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn’t waste any time at all — I gave her a banging right on the kitchen table!
Afterwards she said, “Thanks,” and returned to the stove.
More than a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?”
She giggled, “The egg timer’s broken.”
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The Donkey Clock
An American man visiting Mexico finds his wristwatch has stopped working. He’s got a flight to catch in a few hours, so he tries to ask a local the time but doesn’t know the language. Finally he meets an old Mexican man sitting next to a donkey who speaks English. “Excuse me, Señor, but do you know the time?” the American asks.
The old man reaches up and grabs the donkey’s balls. He twists them to the left, then he moves them to the right, then he lifts them up. “Sí, Señor, it’s 2:20,” he replies.
The American stands there for a moment, flabbergasted. Then he replies, “Gracias, Señor,” and walks away pondering what he just witnessed.
A short time passes and the American wants to see the old man’s trick again, so he asks him the time. The old man again grabs the donkey’s balls — he twists them left, then moves them right, then lifts them up. “It’s 2:45,” the old man replies.
“How in the hell are you doing that? How do you tell the time with donkey balls?” says the American.
The old man replies, “You see, Señor, I twist them left, I turn them right, then I lift them so I can see that clock over there.”
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Neurosurgeon Girlfriend
I had to break up with my neurosurgeon girlfriend. She was messing with my head.
