Crude humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
Kyle 🌱
@KylePlantEmoji
[first day at Domino’s]
Manager: oh and one more thing: don’t
fuck the pizzas
Me: haha
Asst Manager: seriously, don’t fuck
them
Cook: don’t fuck the pizzas dude
Me: I’m n-
Customer: that guy’s not gonna fuck my
pizza is he?
Manager: not if he wants to keep his
job he wont.
why is there a coyote on the bus?
probably because they can’t fucking
drive karen
marketing: lets create a fun and
exciting cereal
executive: okay, go on
marketing: it’ll have cool colors and
fruity flavors
executive: omg yes
marketing: and rabbits can fuck right
off if they think they can have some
I’ll never forget my grandfathers
last words:
“Stop shaking the ladder you little
cunt”
GEORGIA MAN KEPT
DECEASED MOTHER IN
FREEZER FOR YEARS
FOR “CASUAL SEX”
Thats one cold mother fucker
Her parents: what are your intentions
with our daughter?
Me:
BARRY McCOCKINNER
When you wish your parents
understood English when they
named you
Màkunt Izichi
A cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West.
The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition.
‘Do you think you could give me some tips?’ he asked.
The old man looked him up and down and said, ‘Well, for one thing, you’re wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’
‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man.
‘Sure will,’ replied the old-timer.
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44, and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
‘That’s terrific!’ said the hot shot. ‘Got any more tips for me?’
‘Yep,’ said the old man. ‘Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That’ll give you a smoother draw.’
‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the younger man.
‘You bet it will,’ said the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player.
‘Wow!’ exclaimed the cowboy. ‘I’m learnin’ somethin’ here. Got any more tips?’
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. ‘See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.’ The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
‘No,’ said the old-timer. ‘I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.’
‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man.
‘No,’ said the old-timer, ‘but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, well, he’s gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won’t hurt as much.’
nervabeacon
Goofy is the only classic Disney character who has had sex.
Mickey has nephews, Donald has nephews, Goofy has a son.
And he wasn’t adopted, he looks just like him.
Goofy… has had sex.
Goofy… has known a woman biblically.
Imagine what it must’ve looked like.
Imagine what it sounded like.
These are the things I think about when I wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat.
GA-HYUK.
