Doc: I have bad news and really bad news… the bad news is your baby is just an ear… a 6-pound 5-ounce baby ear. No arms or legs or head… just an ear.
But that’s not the worst part…. He’s DEAF!
Tone: irreverent
Irreverent humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Frat Bro and the Nuns
Two frat bros are walking along when they see a group of nuns walking up the opposite side of the street.
After a little bit of a ruckus, one of the young men runs across the road and approaches the nuns.
“Excuse me, are you the head nun?” he asks the lead nun sheepishly.
“Yes, my son. I am the Mother Superior of the convent. What can I do for you?” she replies with a curious grin.
“Well ma’am, I have a strange question. But, umm, are any of your nuns midgets?” he spits out. Seeing her shocked face, he continues. “You know, maybe a dwarf, pygmy, something like that?”
“My son,” she calmly states, “we would welcome anyone into our convent, regardless of stature. But no, we currently have no sisters that are little people.”
And with that the frat bro turns to his buddy, who is still on the other side of the road, and hollers, “Hey Gary, I told you ya fucked a penguin last night!”
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No Internet in the Confession Box
A man enters a confession box at late night.
“Father, I’ve sinned. I watch pornography 12 hours a day.”
The priest asks, “12 hours? How is that even possible?”
The man says, “Easy. Four hours in the morning, four in the evening, four at night.”
The priest asks, “Did you watch 12 hours today too?”
The man replies, “No, only 11 hours and 55 minutes.”
The priest asks, “Why is that?”
The man replies, “Because there is no Internet in the confession box.”
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Ten Bucks Same as Downtown
A monk turns 18, so he leaves the monastery and travels to town for the very first time. He’s walking down the street, and a hooker says, “Hey father! How about a little head? Ten bucks.”
Well, the monk doesn’t know what this means, so he goes scurrying back up to the monastery. He finds one of the nuns and says, “Sister, what’s ‘head’?”
And she says, “Ten bucks, same as downtown.”
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Bear Hunting
Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or you let me fuck you in the ass.”
After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Bob.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.
The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Bob. That bear was my cousin and you’ve got two choices — either I maul you to death or you let me fuck you in the ass.”
Again, Bob thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Bob.
Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully recovered. Now Bob was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear lets out a huge sigh and says, “Admit it, Bob, you’re not here for the hunting, are you?”
