What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?
A brunette with bad breath!
Tone: irreverent
Irreverent humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Jesus Lepers TV
My favorite Bible story is probably the one where Jesus tells the lepers to get used to the idea that a lot of them are going to die, and then he goes on TV to brag about what a great job he’s doing.
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Swedish Massage With a Twist
A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a towel over his groin.
A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. The guy was getting sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows.
“You wanna wank?”, she asked.
“You bet,” came the excited reply.
“O.K.,” she said, “I come back in ten minutes.”
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Deli Salami: No Slicing Required
A fag walks into a corner deli, takes a number, and waits his turn. Soon, his turn comes up, and the deli boy asks, “Well, what will it be today, sir?”
To this, the fag replies, “I’ll have a half pound of roast beef, a pound of your swiss cheese, and I’ll take that nice long salami you’ve got hanging by the window.”
After slicing the swiss cheese and the beef, the deli boy then asks him, “Sir, would you like me to slice the salami as well?”
To this the fag replies, “Slice the salami?! What do you think my ass is, a piggy bank?”
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Selfish Husband Turns Pleasure Condom Inside Out
My wife suggested that we use a new type of condom. It had ridges and bumps and feathers on the side and a shape like a chicken head on the top.
I asked what it was and she explained that it was “especially designed to provide the maximum pleasure for woman”.
I was having none of this and put it on inside out. Why should she get all the fun?
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Prince Charming’s Pumpkin Problem
Prince Charming gets very drunk at the ball and ends up staggering out of the palace and into the Royal Vegetable Garden. When the Queen realizes that he’s missing, she sends all the palace guards out in search of her son.
In just minutes, the head guard finds the errant prince having a jolly good time thrusting his royal dick into a hole in the side of a large, ripe pumpkin.
“Prince Charming!” cries the guard. “Forgive me for interrupting, but… Do you realize you’re fucking a pumpkin?”
The prince stops what he’s doing and pulls back to examine the violated pumpkin.
“Oh, my,” says the drunken prince. “Is it midnight already?”
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Bachelor Party Disaster Meets Perfect Comeback
A guy’s getting married on Saturday. Friday night, his friends take him out, get him waylaid, bylaid, rolaid, mislaid, up, down, up, bing, bang, boom, forget it, his pecker is a mangled mess, he doesn’t know what to do.
He takes two popsicle sticks, puts them alongside his dick, and wraps it with adhesive tape. The next day he gets married.
Here they are in their honeymoon suite… she walks out stark naked… She says, “Look, honey. Untouched by human hands.”
He’s gotta think quick… He pulls down his pants and says, “Look! Hah! Not even out of the crate.”
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Potential vs. Reality: A Million Dollar Lesson
A son asked his father: “Dad, what’s the difference between potential and reality?” (a question he was asked at school)
His father replied: “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”
The son did this and returned that his mother would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. His father said: “Now go ask your sister if she would sleep with the milkman for a million dollars.”
The son did this and later replied: “Sis said that she too would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”
His father then said: “Go ask your brother if he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”
The son, getting rather irritated, did this. He returned and said: “Ivor also said that he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. I am getting tired of asking people if they will sleep with the milkman. Please tell me, what’s the difference between potential and reality?”
His father looked at him and said: “This family has the potential to make $3,000,000, but the reality is that we have two sluts and a homo in the family.” That’s the difference!
