Tone: irreverent

Irreverent humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I wonder why the sperm bank doesn’t have a drive-through teller.

I wonder why the sperm bank doesn’t have a drive-through teller. It seems like the logical next step since so many guys masturbate in their cars.
I rubbed a magnet on my genitals once. My left nut became

I rubbed a magnet on my genitals once. My left nut became positive, my right nut negative, and my johnson pointed to true north.
If you meet a girl just a-walkin’ down the street, singing “Doo

If you meet a girl just a-walkin’ down the street, singing “Doo wah diddy-diddy, dum diddy do,” snapping her fingers and shuffling her feet, she’s probably not exactly right in the head, and you’re better off not making her acquaintance. Unless she’s got big tits. REALLY big tits.
Urinal proverb: A watched penis never pisses

Urinal proverb: A watched penis never pisses.
Screw Folgers. The best part of waking up is a screaming

Screw Folgers. The best part of waking up is a screaming self-induced orgasm while fantasizing about the lesbian scene from “Black Swan.” Damn, that was hot.
My sperm bank went out of business. My mistake was building it

My sperm bank went out of business. My mistake was building it so close to Jilly G.’s house — by the time the donors got to my office, they were pretty well emptied of fluids.
I apologize if my uber-hotness has caused problems for any local

I apologize if my uber-hotness has caused problems for any local businesses. I guess the guys just really like my “first served, first cum” motto.
Don’t you hate it when you’re about to cum and the guy does

Don’t you hate it when you’re about to cum and the guy does something to ruin it? You know, like speaking.
There’s a girl in my office who pipes up at the end of every

There’s a girl in my office who pipes up at the end of every sentence and tries to finish it for you. In response, I’ve started ending all my sentences with “that fucks a donkey.” It hasn’t really stopped her from trying to finish my sentences, but it’s gotten me a LOT of attention from the Human Resources folks.
Which came first: underwear or the skidmark

Which came first: underwear or the skidmark?