I called the tinnitus hotline yesterday.
It just kept ringing.
Tone: Playful
Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Still Assembling His Cabinet
Did you hear that the CEO of Ikea was just elected president of Sweden?
He is still assembling his cabinet.
-
Making Headlines Everywhere
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines everywhere!
-
His Mourning Coffee
What is the funeral director’s favourite drink?
He can’t start his day without his mourning coffee.
-
Insufficient Funds
Banks should do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled.
This is the fifth one I’ve been to that says Insufficient Funds.
-
Doctors Have Described His Condition as Stable
BREAKING NEWS: A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.
Doctors have described his condition as stable.
-
Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper
I couldn’t sleep last night because I realized Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have the same middle names.
-
Bad Brakes Have Never Stopped Me Before
It’s probably not safe for me to be driving right now.
But, hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.
-
Do Not Resuscitate
I gave my wife a bracelet that belonged to my grandmother. I thought that it was a caring gesture. My wife was not happy.
The bracelet said, “Do Not Resuscitate.”
