Cut my leash into pieces
This is my bestest bork
Domestication
No Breeding
Cant give a heck
Cause they neutered my weenie
Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

Cut my leash into pieces
This is my bestest bork
Domestication
No Breeding
Cant give a heck
Cause they neutered my weenie

HIM: the dishwasher is acting weird
HER: what’s it doing
HIM: chopping fucking vegetables

WANTED: A man has been stealing wheels off of police cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
What do Winnie the Pooh, Alexander the Great, and Andre the Giant all have in common?
Same middle name.
I just had a stack of toilet paper rolls fall on me in the supermarket.
It’s OK, though. Just some soft tissue damage.
I try to say ‘mucho’ when I am around my Hispanic friends.
It means a lot to them.
A man driving a Kia stops at a traffic light next to a Rolls-Royce.
The Kia driver rolls down his window and calls out to the Rolls-Royce driver, “Hey, pal, that’s an impressive car. Does your Rolls have Wi-Fi? My Kia does!”
The Rolls-Royce driver replies, “Yes, it has Wi-Fi.”
The Kia driver continues, “Nice! And do you have a fridge in there? I have a fridge in the backseat of my Kia!”
The Rolls-Royce driver, getting irritated, responds, “Yes, there’s a refrigerator.”
Not backing down, the Kia driver asks, “That’s cool, man! What about a TV? I’ve got a TV in my Kia’s backseat!”
The Rolls-Royce driver, increasingly annoyed, says, “Yes, there’s a television. A Rolls-Royce is the epitome of luxury vehicles!”
The Kia driver says, “Amazing car! But do you have a bed in there? I’ve got a bed in the back of my Kia!”
Frustrated that his car lacks a bed, the Rolls-Royce driver speeds off. He heads straight to the dealership and orders a bed to be installed in his Rolls. The following morning, he picks up his car, and the bed looks fantastic, complete with silk sheets and elegant brass accents. It’s undoubtedly a bed suited for a Rolls-Royce.
The Rolls-Royce driver spends the entire day searching for the Kia. Finally, late that night, he spots the Kia parked with fogged-up windows. He gets out of his Rolls-Royce and knocks on the Kia’s window. At first, there’s no response, but then the owner pokes his head out, dripping wet.
“I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the Rolls-Royce driver declares smugly.
The Kia driver replies, “Did you really drag me out of the shower just to tell me that?!”
Note to self: It’s not “boner-fide” opportunity. Follow-up note to self: Who cares? I got the job!
I know it’s called a blow JOB, but I really don’t think the interview was necessary.