A Canadian tourist in Australia gets hit by a car. He wakes up in the hospital with a doctor standing over him.
He asks the doctor, “Did I come here to die?”
The doctor replies, “Nah mate, you came here yesterday.”
Tone: Playful
Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Pope’s Miracle Hearing
The Pope is handing out miracles to kids in Liverpool. Billy walks on stage and asks him, “Can you help me with my hearing?”
The Pope says, “Yes,” puts his hands on Billy’s ears, and prays. He removes his hands and asks, “How is your hearing now?”
Billy says, “I don’t know, it’s not until next Wednesday.”
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Hilarious Driving Test Pranks to Fail Spectacularly
Have Fun While Taking a Driving Test
1. Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.
2. Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, “Buckle up!”
3. Knock over every cone while doing maneuverability. In the middle of it, get out and check to see if you have hit every one.
4. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of plastic wrap down so he doesn’t dirty the seat.
5. When the examiner tells you to stop, step on the gas. Tell him/her that you thought it was the brake.
6. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood clutch and say “Oops.”
7. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, “Now which one is the gas again?”
8. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.
9. Fill your car with beer bottles.
10. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.
11. Tell the registrar that you are taking the remedial test.
12. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.
13. Swear at everybody on the road.
14. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next to you and the light.
15. Beep your horn at everything.
16. Break off your rear-view mirror and then ask the examiner to hold it up.
Warning: If you wish to pass the test, refrain from doing more than two of these, and be sure to grin widely at the end.
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German Car Parts Get Hilariously Mistranslated Names
When the German language doesn’t have an existing word one can sometimes assemble a new one from bits they already have. Therefore non-british people who speak english should pronounce the german phonetically.
INDICATORS Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken
BONNET Pullnob und Knucklechoppen
EXHAUST Spitzenpoppenhangentuben
SPEEDOMETER Der Egobooster und Linenshooter
CLUTCH Die Kuplink mit achlippen und schaken
PUNCTURE Die Phlatt mit Bludyfucken
LEARNER Die Twatten mit Elplate
ESTATE CAR Der Bagzeroomfurshagginaute
PARKING METER Der tennarpinscher und Zlochenarr
WINDSCREEN WIPER Der flippenflappenmuckenschpredder
POWER BRAKES Der edbangeronvinschreen stoppenquick
GEAR LEVER Biggensticken fur Kangaroochoppen
FUEL GAUGE Der Walletemptyung Meter
BREATHALYSER Die Puffitinter fur Pistenarsen
REAR VIEW MIRROR Der Yonkunter ist Tooklosan
SEAT BELT Der klunkenklikken frauleinstrapper
HEADLIGHTS Das Dippendontdazzelubasted
EXHAUST FUMES Die Koffundschplitterpoluter
HIGHWAY CODE Der Wipen fur Arsen
FOG WARNING Die Puttenklogdownan und Fukkitt
TRAFFIC JAM Die Bluddifuckin Dammundblast
REAR SEAT Der Schpringentester
TYRES Flatfahrts
BACKFIRE Der Lowdenbangermekkenjumpen
JUGGERNAUT Der Fukkengratt Trukken
ACCIDENT Das Bleedinkmess
NEAR ACCIDENT Der Phewn Near Schittenselfen
GARAGE Der Hieway Robberung
CYCLIST Der Peddallpushink Pilloken
SKID Die Bannanen Waltzen
DOUBLE WHITE LINES Overtaken und Krunchen. -
Games You Can Play With Your Pussy
GAMES YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOUR PUSSY
“And Lots of Other Stuff Cat Owners Should Know
APC
3715 APC200
MADE IN USA
