Tone: Playful

Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Put Johnnie in the Fifth Grade

    A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Johnnie what is your problem?” Johnnie answered, “I’m too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!”

    The teacher had had enough. She took Johnnie to the principal’s office. While Johnnie waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed.

    Johnnie was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

    Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
    Johnnie: “9.”

    Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
    Johnnie: “36.”

    And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looked at the teacher and told her, “I think Johnnie can go to the third grade, just as he thought.”

    The teacher says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions, and I’m sure you will see the reasons I am hesitant about Johnnie’s advancement!” The principal and Johnnie both agreed.

    The teacher asked, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?” Johnnie, after a moment, replied, “Legs.”

    Teacher: “Ok, you got that right, but I know I’ll get you. What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”

    The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnnie replied, “Pockets.”

    Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
    Johnnie: “Pants”

    Teacher: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of excitement?”
    Johnnie: “Firetruck”

    Little Johnnie had been studying, and he’d not fall for any of her tricks… nothing would hold him back if he could help it!

    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Johnnie in the FIFTH grade. I missed the last four questions myself!”

  • Deaf Club

    Deaf Club

    THE FIRST RULE OF DEAF CLUB…

    NYOU NU NOT NALK AMOUT NEF GLUB,

  • I Think He Wants to Buy Mom

    Lil’ Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses’ legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Pop, why are you doing that?”

    “Because I’m thinking of buying these horses.”

    Johnny looked worried, “Then I think we’d better hurry home right away!”

    “Why?” his father asked.

    “Because the milkman stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants to buy Mom!”

  • Riveting

    Riveting

    So, what do you do for work?

    I drill holes in sheets of metal.

    Then I use metal pins to connect said sheets of metal.

    Riveting…

  • Waist Of Time

    Waist Of Time

    I ONCE TIED ALL MY WATCHES TOGETHER TO MAKE A BELT

    THEN REALIZED IT WAS A WAIST OF TIME

    made on imgur

  • Sirius Shirley

    Sirius Shirley

    HI, MY NAME IS SIRIUS

    BUT I WANT TO BE SIRIUS

    SHIRLEY YOU CANT BE SIRIUS

  • Bidet Amazon

    Bidet Amazon

    WHEN YOUR BIDET FINALLY ARRIVES FROM AMAZON*

  • Hold Her Steals

    Hold Her Steals

    When you have to hold her like this at night because she steals

    @whitepeoplehumor

  • Bacon Roses

    Bacon Roses

    BACON ROSES

    She wants romance, you want a snack. Problem Solved.

  • Where the Hell Is That Monkey

    A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution, “This guy looks edible, never seen his kind before…”

    So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he’s about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly, “Mmm…that was some good lion meat!”

    The lion abruptly stops and says, “Woah! This guy seems tougher than he looks, I better leave while I can.”

    Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes that he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll get him together.”

    So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realizes what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts, “Where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…”