Tone: Playful

Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Hilarious Driving Test Pranks to Fail Spectacularly

    Have Fun While Taking a Driving Test

    1. Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.

    2. Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, “Buckle up!”

    3. Knock over every cone while doing maneuverability. In the middle of it, get out and check to see if you have hit every one.

    4. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of plastic wrap down so he doesn’t dirty the seat.

    5. When the examiner tells you to stop, step on the gas. Tell him/her that you thought it was the brake.

    6. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood clutch and say “Oops.”

    7. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, “Now which one is the gas again?”

    8. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.

    9. Fill your car with beer bottles.

    10. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.

    11. Tell the registrar that you are taking the remedial test.

    12. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.

    13. Swear at everybody on the road.

    14. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next to you and the light.

    15. Beep your horn at everything.

    16. Break off your rear-view mirror and then ask the examiner to hold it up.

    Warning: If you wish to pass the test, refrain from doing more than two of these, and be sure to grin widely at the end.

  • I Beat Anorexia

    I Beat Anorexia

    I BEAT ANOREXIA

  • German Car Parts Get Hilariously Mistranslated Names

    When the German language doesn’t have an existing word one can sometimes assemble a new one from bits they already have. Therefore non-british people who speak english should pronounce the german phonetically.

    INDICATORS Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken
    BONNET Pullnob und Knucklechoppen
    EXHAUST Spitzenpoppenhangentuben
    SPEEDOMETER Der Egobooster und Linenshooter
    CLUTCH Die Kuplink mit achlippen und schaken
    PUNCTURE Die Phlatt mit Bludyfucken
    LEARNER Die Twatten mit Elplate
    ESTATE CAR Der Bagzeroomfurshagginaute
    PARKING METER Der tennarpinscher und Zlochenarr
    WINDSCREEN WIPER Der flippenflappenmuckenschpredder
    POWER BRAKES Der edbangeronvinschreen stoppenquick
    GEAR LEVER Biggensticken fur Kangaroochoppen
    FUEL GAUGE Der Walletemptyung Meter
    BREATHALYSER Die Puffitinter fur Pistenarsen
    REAR VIEW MIRROR Der Yonkunter ist Tooklosan
    SEAT BELT Der klunkenklikken frauleinstrapper
    HEADLIGHTS Das Dippendontdazzelubasted
    EXHAUST FUMES Die Koffundschplitterpoluter
    HIGHWAY CODE Der Wipen fur Arsen
    FOG WARNING Die Puttenklogdownan und Fukkitt
    TRAFFIC JAM Die Bluddifuckin Dammundblast
    REAR SEAT Der Schpringentester
    TYRES Flatfahrts
    BACKFIRE Der Lowdenbangermekkenjumpen
    JUGGERNAUT Der Fukkengratt Trukken
    ACCIDENT Das Bleedinkmess
    NEAR ACCIDENT Der Phewn Near Schittenselfen
    GARAGE Der Hieway Robberung
    CYCLIST Der Peddallpushink Pilloken
    SKID Die Bannanen Waltzen
    DOUBLE WHITE LINES Overtaken und Krunchen.

  • Chevy and Toyota’s Unfortunate Bathroom Breakthrough

    Did you hear that Chevy and Toyota will be working together to build a car at the old Chevette factory?

    The new sportscar will feature bucket seats and automatic wipers.

    It will be called . . . the Toy-a-let.

  • Games You Can Play With Your Pussy

    Games You Can Play With Your Pussy

    GAMES YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOUR PUSSY

    “And Lots of Other Stuff Cat Owners Should Know

    APC

    3715 APC200

    MADE IN USA

  • I Feel Grate

    I Feel Grate

    I KNOW ITS CHEESY

    BUT I FEEL GRATE

  • E Afraid of W

    E Afraid of W

    Why was E afraid of W?

    Why?

    Because White

  • Still Stripping After 25 Years

    Still Stripping After 25 Years

    Quilt In a Day®

    Still Stripping After 25 Years

    Eleanor Burns

    Quilt In a Day!

    ’78 ’03 25th Anniversary

  • Sea Mine Pun

    Sea Mine Pun

    You thought other puns were bad? Just wait until you sea mine.

  • How to Keep a Healthy Level of Sanity at Work

    Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)

    Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)

    Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi.”

    Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”

    “Hi-lite” your shoes. Tell people that you haven’t lost your shoes since you did this.

    While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in “Palmolive.”

    Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.

    Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.

    Arrive at a meeting late, say you’re sorry, but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’re going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat five entire raw potatoes.

    Insist that your e-mail address be “zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com”

    Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

    Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company’s products. Forward the mail to a coworker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

    Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.

    Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it “IN.”

    Determine how many cups of coffee is “too many.”

    Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

    For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.

    Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts, etc. in the lunchroom. When people complain that there was none… just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, “Oh, you’ve got to be faster than that.”