A husband asked his wife to try a new sex position. She was in an adventurous but shy mood so she agreed but asked if they could do it in the dark.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosTone: Playful
Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Already Working on a Murder Case
A dizzy blonde decided she wanted to be a police detective. She visited her local police station to apply for a job and approached the desk sergeant.
The officer decided to have some fun and asked her a few questions.
“First, what’s a silver dollar made of?”
She thought for a moment before answering, “Um… Silver?”
“Good. Now, what color is a New York taxi?”
“Erm… Yellow, I think?”
“Very good,” said the officer. “Now, a more difficult one – who killed John F. Kennedy?”
She scratched her head and thought for a minute before saying, “I’m sorry, I don’t know.”
The officer said, “Go home, think about it some more, and come back tomorrow.”
That night, she called her friend, who asked if she got the job.
She said, “Not only did I get the job… I’m already working on a murder case.”
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No Honey, No Butter
One afternoon Tommy was playing in the backyard when he smacked a buzzing honeybee with a stick.
His dad saw it and said, “Tommy! That’s not nice. Because of that, you’re not getting any honey for a whole month!”
A little later, Dad walked outside again and caught Tommy pulling the wings off a butterfly.
“Well, that does it,” his dad said. “No butter for you for a month either!”
That evening, Tommy’s mom was making dinner in the kitchen when a cockroach suddenly ran across the floor. She shrieked, grabbed her slipper, and squashed it flat.
She turned around and noticed Tommy and his dad staring at her.
Tommy looked up at his father and said, “Well, Dad… are you going to explain it to her, or should I?”
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Everything’s Bigger in Texas
A blind man travels to Texas and checks into a hotel.
When he gets to his room, he feels around and runs his hand across the bed.
“Good grief, this bed is huge!” he says.
The bellhop chuckles and replies, “Sir, everything’s bigger in Texas.”
Later that evening, the man heads down to the hotel bar.
He climbs onto a tall barstool and orders a beer.
The bartender sets a giant mug in front of him.
The man feels around the glass and says, “Wow, this drink is enormous!”
The bartender laughs and says, “Well sir, everything’s bigger in Texas.”
After a few beers, the man asks where the restroom is.
The bartender says, “Second door on the right.”
The man heads down the hallway but accidentally walks into the third door instead.
Unfortunately, that door leads straight to the hotel swimming pool.
He falls in with a big splash.
A moment later he pops his head above the water, waving his arms wildly and shouting:
“DON’T FLUSH! DON’T FLUSH!”
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The Elevator Operator
I took an elevator up to the 69th floor for a meeting and as I was getting out, the operator said, “Have a good day, son.” I grumbled, “Don’t call me son. You’re not my dad.”
He scratched his head. “No, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”
After my meeting, I got back on the elevator to go back down and the same operator was there.
I didn’t say anything to him, but when we got to the ground floor, he said to me, “I’m sorry.”
“Because you thought you were my dad?” I asked him.
He shook his head. “No, son, because I let you down.”
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Right Up There
Not sure if a colonoscopy is the most painful medical procedure but it’s right up there!
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Hung Like a Horse
This horse and rabbit were hanging out in their pasture when the horse went to get a drink out of the pond. Something spooked him and he fell in the mud and got stuck. The rabbit scampered off and got into the farmer’s Mercedes and drove down, threw a rope, and the horse bit the rope and the rabbit was able to pull them out.
A couple of days later the rabbit fell in the mud, so the horse wanted to return the favor. He galloped over, straddled the pond and let his dong down for the rabbit to grab onto. The rescue was successful.
The moral of the story is that when you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes.
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A Solid 10 But Also Imaginary
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.
A solid 10, but also imaginary.
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Do You Have a Weedeater
Two Tennessee rednecks decided they weren’t going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
Bubba turns to Billy Ray and says, “Tomorrow I think I’ll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes.”
Billy Ray really doesn’t think very much, but says that he’ll go along for the ride.
The next day, Bubba and Billy Ray go down to the Community College, and Bubba meets the Admissions Counselor. After a short discussion, the Counselor signs Bubba up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.
“Logic?” Bubba says. “What the heck is that?”
Well, the Counselor says, “I’ll show you. Do you own a weedeater?”
“Yeah, I sure do,” says Bubba.
“Then I can assume, using logic, that because you own a weedeater, you must have a yard,” replied the Counselor.
“Hey, that’s really good!” replied Bubba.
The Counselor continued, “Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also probably own a house.”
Impressed, the redneck said, “That’s amazing, yes, I do have a house!”
“And because you have a house, and a yard, you might also logically have a family,” said the Counselor.
“Hey, this is some good stuff! Yes, I do have a family!” says Bubba.
The Counselor said, “I’m not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife.”
“Yes, I sure do have a wife, her name is Betty Sue,” said Bubba.
The redneck was starting to catch on.
“Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are probably heterosexual,” said the Counselor.
“You’re absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinatin’ thing I ever heard, figuring all that out ’cause I own a weedeater! I can’t wait to take this logic class!” said Bubba.
The redneck, so proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Billy Ray was waiting.
“So what classes are ya takin’?” asked Billy Ray.
“Math, English, History, and Logic!” replied Bubba.
“Logic?” Billy Ray says. “What’s that?”
Bubba says, “I’ll show you. Do you have a weedeater?”
“No.”
Perplexed, Bubba ponders for a moment, then says, “Then you’re homosexual, ain’t ya.”
