Tone: Playful

Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Stairs: Always Up to Something!

    I don’t trust stairs.

    They’re always up to something.

  • Loophole Lust: Aroused by Legal Technicalities

    What about the guy who was aroused by loopholes in the law?

    He got off on a technicality.

  • Banana Affair: The Peeling Verdict!

    Did you hear about the man who was found guilty of having sex with a banana?

    He got off on a peel.

  • Decoding DNA: National Dyslexic’s Association Explained

    What does DNA stand for?

    National Dyslexic’s Association.

  • Bar Humor: A Twist on Soviet Jokes!

    In Soviet Russia, a bar walks into you!

  • A young priest is hearing confession

    A young priest is hearing confession for the first time on a dull, damp Saturday afternoon.

    He hears the church door open, and someone comes stumbling in from the rain, staggers over to the confessional, and half-falls in, yanking the door shut behind him.

    Then everything is quiet for a while, and the priest hears only labored breathing and the occasional drunken mutter from the other side before it lapses into silence.

    It seems like the visitor has fallen asleep, so the priest gives a discreet cough and a tap on the partition.

    From the other side, a heavily refreshed voice says, “It’s no use coughing, and it’s no use knocking, sir. There’s no paper on this side either!”

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  • Little Johnny is Smart

    A female third-grade teacher was having a problem with Little Johnny in her class.

    Little Johnny said, “Teacher, I should be in Grade 4. I’m smarter than my sister, and she’s in Grade 4.”

    The teacher had heard enough and took him to the principal.

    The principal decided to test Little Johnny with some Grade 4 questions.

    Principal: “What is 3+3?”
    Little Johnny: “6.”

    Principal: “6+6?”
    Little Johnny: “12.”

    Little Johnny got all the questions right, so the principal told the teacher to send him to Grade 4 immediately.

    The teacher decided to ask her own questions, and the principal agreed.

    Teacher: “What does a cow have four of that I have only two?”
    Little Johnny: “Legs.”

    Teacher: “What is in your trousers that I don’t have?”
    Little Johnny: “Pockets.”

    Teacher: “What starts with C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious, and contains thin, whitish liquid?”
    Little Johnny: “Coconut.”

    Teacher: “What goes in hard, then comes out soft and sticky?”
    The principal’s eyes opened wide, but before he could stop him, Little Johnny answered:
    Little Johnny: “Bubble gum.”

    Teacher: “You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.”
    Little Johnny: “Tent.”

    The principal was looking restless.

    Teacher: “A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.”
    Little Johnny: “Wedding ring.”

    Teacher: “I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.”
    Little Johnny: “Nose.”

    Teacher: “I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.”
    Little Johnny: “Arrow.”

    Principal: “OH MY GOD!”

    Teacher: “What starts with F and ends with K, and if you don’t get it, you have to use your hand?”
    Little Johnny: “Fork.”

    Teacher: “What is it that all men have, it’s longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn’t use his, and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?”
    Little Johnny: “Surname.”

    Principal: “Ohooo!”

    Teacher: “What part of a man has no bone, but has muscles with a lot of veins and is responsible for making love?”
    Little Johnny: “Heart.”

    Principal: “Eeeeeh!”

    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send this boy straight to college. I got all the answers wrong myself!”

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  • Visiting the Zoo

    A family is visiting the zoo.

    While they’re watching the elephants, the little boy points and asks his mother, “Mom, what’s that hanging down underneath the elephant?”

    “That’s his trunk,” she replies.

    “No,” says the boy, “at the other end.”

    “Oh, that’s his tail,” she says.

    “No, no, the thing underneath!” the boy insists.

    Realizing what he means, the mother blushes and says, “Oh, never mind that. That’s nothing.”

    Confused, the boy turns to his father.

    “Dad, what is that thing underneath the elephant? Mom said it’s nothing.”

    The father looks at the elephant, then at his son, and says, “Well, son, your mother is just spoiled.”

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  • Little Johnny and Cows

    Little Johnny is out riding his bike with his dad through the fields when he sees a bull on top of a cow.

    Johnny: “Dad, what’s that bull doing?”
    Dad: “Well, the sun’s about to set, Johnny, so the bull is just pushing the cow back into the barn.”

    Johnny: “Wow! It’s a good thing Mama held on to the kitchen table yesterday—otherwise the postman would’ve pushed her all the way back to the post office!”

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  • I want puppies!

    A little girl is walking with her grandmother when they see two dogs going at it.

    When she asks what they’re doing, the grandmother sheepishly explains, “Well, they’re making puppies.”

    That night, the girl walks into her parents’ room without knocking and sees her dad on top of her mom.

    She asks what’s going on, and her dad says, “Well, I’m making you a little brother or sister.”

    The girl says, “Flip her over, Dad—I’d rather get puppies!”

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