Love is… Finishing each other’s sentences.
Tone: shocking
Shocking humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Not What It Looks Like
So a girl walks in and catches her boyfriend masturbating to an optical illusion. “What the hell are you doing?” she screams.
And he says, “Honey, it’s not what it looks like.”
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Dark Side of the Force
Meth user fights off 15 police officers ‘while masturbating in bar’
Metro News Reporter Tuesday 31 Dec 2013
The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.
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Abortion Is a Difficult Topic
What is your opinion on abortion?
Abortion is a difficult topic for me.
On the one hand I support it because it kills children.
On the other hand, it gives women a choice.
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Gay Best Friend
Daemon Blackfyre @nekuLDN
If my girlfriend ever has a “gay best friend”, that nigga better suck my dick to prove it
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This Thing Almost Killed My Grandma
This Thing Almost Killed My Grandma
Ok. First off, THIS THING IS HUGE!!! I didn’t realize it when ordering. But When every one left the house one day I decided to give it the old college try. The suction cup works well, I had it stuck to my bedroom door. Ok, so when trying to use this it was really big and awkward. I was trying to back against it slowly letting my butt hole adjust to the massive width. I had my I-Pod Listening to “Eye of the Tiger” trying to get pumped for the whole thing. Well I didn’t hear my grandmother come home early and apparently i was making some noise rocking back on this Mega-Dong mounted to the door, and singing along to The Theme Song to Rocky. Well my Grandma comes to investigate and jerks my door open, which snatched the toy out of my butt bringing my sphincter with it. My grandmother Freaks and Slams the Door which POWER DRIVES this thing Up my anus all the way to the base. I’m Screaming in pain, and My grandmother is yelling holding her chest. Next thing I know she collapses. So there I am with a Bleeding, Prolapsed Butt hole and my grandma on the floor. I’m in so much pain and am freaking out worrying that I’ve killed her. So I crawled over to her and pushed her life alert button to send the paramedics, one of which was a new guy and when I tried explaining the story he literally pissed on himself laughing. Anyway they popped an ammonia capsule and brought my grandmother back. She seems ok but we haven’t made eye contact for 2 weeks and my butt is a little worse for wear. And when I fart now, it sounds like a Peterbilt 379 releasing its air brakes
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Fatherly Bubble
Nothing can burst your fatherly bubble faster than hearing your daughter come home from a date and saying, “Some nights I don’t know why I even bother to wear panties.”
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The Thanksgiving Turkey Guts
A husband and wife married for many years — every morning the husband wakes up and lets out a thunderous fart, then cackles. One day she glares at him and says, “You know, one of these days you’re going to shit your guts out.” He shrugs it off and they go about life.
Come around to Thanksgiving, the wife is downstairs prepping a turkey for dinner, husband is sleeping upstairs in bed. As she pulls the turkey’s guts out, she gets a clever idea, and sneaks upstairs holding a small handful of the turkey’s guts. She tucks them into her husband’s underwear.
She goes back downstairs and continues to cook. A short while later, the husband wakes up. She hears his usual morning fart, his cackle, then dead silence.
A few minutes later the husband comes down the stairs. He is pale, shaking a little, and looks like a deer in the headlights.
“Is everything okay, dear?” she asks without missing a beat.
“Well, yea,” the husband says. “But you were right, I did shit my guts out. But with these two fingers and a little determination, I got them back up in there.”
