The morning after their honeymoon night, the wife says to her husband, “You know, you’re really a lousy lover!”
The husband replies, “How would you know after only 30 seconds?”
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Where Did the Creator of The Jetsons Go
Whenever I’m stuck in traffic, I can’t help but wonder, “Where did the creator of ‘The Jetsons’ go, and why hasn’t he done something about this?”
-
Doctor’s Three-Day Sex Schedule Backfires
The newlyweds were suffering from exhaustion and after an examination, their doctor advised, “It’s not unusual for young people to overdo things during the first weeks of marriage. What you both need is rest. For the next month I want you to limit your sex life to those days of the week with an “R” in them. That is, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.”
Since the end of the week was approaching the newlyweds had no immediate difficulty following the medico’s orders. But on the first night of scheduled rest the young bride found herself eager as a beaver.
Hubby fell asleep, but she tossed and turned and finally nudged her spouse into partial wakefulness.
Expecting daylight, and confused with the darkness, he asked, “What day is it honey?”
She looks at him with a gleam in her eyes and says, “Mondray.”
-
Smothered Chicken
As my husband ordered the smothered chicken, I thought to myself, “Boy, it sure took a sick bastard to discover the meat had a special flavor when oxygen-deprived.”
-
Little Red Riding Hood’s Unexpected Defense
Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and visit her grandmother in the forest and her mother said: ‘You’d better not go out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because the big bad wolf’s out and you know what he’ll do; He’ll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off.’
But Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a shotgun and said: ‘Don’t worry Mum, I’ve got it covered.’
So she was walking through the forest when she came across the three little pigs. One of them ran out of the brick house and said, ‘You shouldn’t be out tonight Little Red Riding Hood! The big bad wolf’s out and you know what he’ll do if he catches you. He’ll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off.’
So she pulled out the shotgun and said: ‘Don’t worry boys. Got it covered!’
As she continued through the forest she came across the big bad wolf and he said: ‘You shouldn’t have come out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because you know what I’m going to do. I’m going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off.’
So she lifted up her little red dress, pulled down her little red panties, lay down on her back with her legs apart, pointed the shotgun at him and said, ‘No. You’re going to eat me like the book says.’
-
Dad’s Mechanical Secretary Problem
A young boy asked his mother, “Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?”
“Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?” replied by his mother.
The young boy answered “The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary.”
-
Woman Asks Doctor to Change Vibrator Batteries
A woman gets her vibrator stuck inside her. She goes to the doctor to remove it and the Dr. says “it’s too far up there, I can’t reach it enough to pull it out”.
The woman then replies “if you can’t get it out, can you at least reach it well enough to change the batteries?”
-
Nguyen-Nguyen Situation
My boss decided to hire two Vietnamese brothers instead of one.
It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.
