I had the surprise of my life last Sunday when I opened Mom’s refrigerator, took out a Cool Whip container and found it actually contained Cool Whip.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I expect that the Afghan women hardest hit by Taliban rule were Afghan women mimes.
I expect that the Afghan women hardest hit by Taliban rule were Afghan women mimes. Not only were they forced to wear burqas, but they weren’t allowed to speak about it — and they *still* can’t speak about it, pretty much by definition.
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My pet bird loves to eat worms, but every day, she drops one in her water dish.
My pet bird loves to eat worms, but every day, she drops one in her water dish. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s her way of asking me for tequila.
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I think kids appreciate it when adults actually treat them like people.
I think kids appreciate it when adults actually treat them like people. Little, stupid people who cry a lot.
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Polygamy I understand.
Polygamy I understand. What I don’t understand is being married to a bunch of women at the same time and having them all wear Home on the Prairie dresses and combat boots.
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Sometimes, when I’m in the shower, I let water go down my arms and run off my fingers in
Sometimes, when I’m in the shower, I let water go down my arms and run off my fingers in 10 little streams. I imagine that I’m a new superhero, with the fearsome power of urinating fingers. It may not sound very powerful, but if peeing fingers don’t get the bad guys’ attention, I don’t think they’ll be very impressed with heat vision or magic lassos.
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When I was back in college it was thrilling to see a woman’s bra hanging from my doorknob.
When I was back in college it was thrilling to see a woman’s bra hanging from my doorknob. But now that I’ve been married for more than 20 years, it’s kind of lost its luster. Now it just means the damn door isn’t going to close properly.
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Sure, mimes are funny — but if some guy were ever *really* trapped inside a glass box
Sure, mimes are funny — but if some guy were ever *really* trapped inside a glass box on a crowded city street, and he had white and black make-up on his face, and he was wearing suspenders and a really stupid-looking cap, would it be so funny?
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Men always think that women’s locker rooms are filled with hot, naked women oiling each
Men always think that women’s locker rooms are filled with hot, naked women oiling each other up, having sex in the hot tub and getting into pillow fights. That’s a ridiculous notion! Why would there be pillows in a locker room?
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I’ve got nothing against gay guys — I just don’t want my sister marrying one.
I’ve got nothing against gay guys — I just don’t want my sister marrying one.
