There’s nothing more embarrassing than strolling into the office humming “It’s a Hap-Hap-Happy Day,” then hearing the hushed whispers of co-workers and realizing it’s only a hap-happy day.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
To alleviate my public speaking phobia, my speech instructor suggested I envision the
To alleviate my public speaking phobia, my speech instructor suggested I envision the audience naked. Though it initially seemed to work, I soon realized it was replaced with a new phobia: the fear of getting wood in front of my co-workers during a staff meeting.
-
I can’t tell if it was the weekend’s Halloween fun or my volunteering to help drive a
I can’t tell if it was the weekend’s Halloween fun or my volunteering to help drive a bunch of Chicago voters to the polls yesterday, but now I can’t get the dead corpse smell out of my minivan.
-
I just got one of those crazy 5-blade razors.
I just got one of those crazy 5-blade razors. The first blade lifts the hair. The second one cuts the hair. The third blade cuts it again! The fourth blade is a sneaky bastard who waits for the hair to relax and then cuts it again! Then the fifth blade goes to the hair’s house and beats the crap out of its mother.
-
If the weight-laden deck-swabbing or the tricep- burning mainsail pulls don’t do me in,
If the weight-laden deck-swabbing or the tricep- burning mainsail pulls don’t do me in, surely the high-step-cardio plank-marching is going to make me regret signing up for this Pirates class.
-
*I* believe the children are our furniture.
*I* believe the children are our furniture.
-
It’s true that when the going gets tough, the tough get going.
It’s true that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. But also when the going gets tough, the weak and lazy just give up and go back bed. At least that’s what I do.
-
I have a canker sore on the inside of my upper lip that is shaped like a perfect
I have a canker sore on the inside of my upper lip that is shaped like a perfect valentine. You’d think women would find something like that romantic, but so far I haven’t found that to be the case.
-
I didn’t want to tell the owner of the shoe store how to run his business, but I still
I didn’t want to tell the owner of the shoe store how to run his business, but I still think his “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service” sign was costing him a lot of potential customers.
-
I dropped by a rival gym to see what their spinning classes were like.
I dropped by a rival gym to see what their spinning classes were like. Man, you work up quite a sweat when you use those stationary bikes, and end up considerably less dizzy that my cycle-free version.
