It’s OK to frequently quote the saying: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results,” as long as you don’t expect anything to change as a result of doing it.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose.
Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose. Which is why I prefer the word “freedom” -– it saves time and effort!
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Turns out it’s actually okay to yell “Fire!”
Turns out it’s actually okay to yell “Fire!” in a crowded theatre, as long as there really *is* a fire in the theatre. I just wish the fire chief and coroner had explained that to me without all of the rude name-calling and swear words.
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I asked the waitress, “Which came first: the chicken salad or the egg salad?”
I asked the waitress, “Which came first: the chicken salad or the egg salad?” At which point she gave me a look suggesting, either way, it will be served with a side order of her saliva.
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I believe I’ve finally mastered the metric system!
I believe I’ve finally mastered the metric system! “Big deal,” you say, but for me, it’s a major kilometerstone.
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They say self-delusion is when you suck in your stomach as you step on the scale.
They say self-delusion is when you suck in your stomach as you step on the scale. But how *else* are you supposed to see the numbers???
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It’s a shame they don’t let you take dogs to the zoo, because that would be the greatest
It’s a shame they don’t let you take dogs to the zoo, because that would be the greatest day EVER for them. They could smell hundreds of different new kinds of poop, and bark at animals from all seven continents. Why do they block dogs from experiencing such insane joy??
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If the ’70s song “Wildfire” makes you all weepy when you hear it on the radio, just do
If the ’70s song “Wildfire” makes you all weepy when you hear it on the radio, just do what I do: Sing along, but change the horse’s name to “Numbnuts.”
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Sometimes elderly relatives need a little pick-me-up.
Sometimes elderly relatives need a little pick-me-up. And now, after a little clever programming of their caller I.D. devices, I find nothing taxes that pacemaker like an occasional call from the Grim Reaper.
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If your heart tells you one thing and your head another, give the deciding vote to your
If your heart tells you one thing and your head another, give the deciding vote to your ass.
