That guy Victor, who gets all the spoils? I’ll bet his place really stinks.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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It’s important to speak clearly when ordering something over the phone.
It’s important to speak clearly when ordering something over the phone. I asked the bakery to make an erotic cake, and she sent me a cake covered with pictures of the cast from “Seinfeld.”
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In your early 30s, you start to get depressed because you realize that your life may
In your early 30s, you start to get depressed because you realize that your life may very well be half over. By the time you hit 40, you’re relieved because you realize that your life may very well be half over.
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When our receptionist greeted me with “How are you today?”
When our receptionist greeted me with “How are you today?” I answered “Horny. For you.” I’ve always heard that honesty is the best policy, but apparently our company has some other policy that beats it.
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They say you can’t tame a wild rose.
They say you can’t tame a wild rose. And even if you could, probably the only trick you could teach it would be “stay.”
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A money belt is a great way to keep your valuables safe from muggers.
A money belt is a great way to keep your valuables safe from muggers. If you own any antique furniture, you might want to get an extra-large money belt with built-in back support.
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I can’t catch a break.
I can’t catch a break. Last year I won a million dollars in the lottery and got so excited I went through two million dollars worth of Depends.
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I prefer not to recount the details of my youthful indiscretions.
I prefer not to recount the details of my youthful indiscretions. I don’t want to set a bad example for the young people of today, but mainly I’m not exactly sure when the statute of limitations expires.
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Darcy’s First Theorem of Parking Effort: The longer you are willing to drive around a
Darcy’s First Theorem of Parking Effort: The longer you are willing to drive around a crowded parking lot trying to find an even closer space, the bigger your butt is.
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In my opinion, if you’re Public Enemy Number 2,000,000,000 or greater, they should
In my opinion, if you’re Public Enemy Number 2,000,000,000 or greater, they should probably just remove you from the list altogether.
