Topic: animals

Animal jokes, pet memes, wildlife weirdness, and creature-based chaos for anyone who suspects nature has been trolling us this whole time.

  • Biden’s Barn Blues: A Night Out

    Biden, Obama, and Trump get lost in the woods one night.

    They come across an old farm and knock on the door to ask if they can get shelter there overnight.

    The farmer answers the door and says yes, but he only has room in his house for two guests, so one of the guys will have to sleep in the barn.

    Biden offers to sleep in the barn, and everyone turns in for the night. A couple minutes later, the farmer hears KNOCK KNOCK on the door. It was Biden standing there. Biden says, “I didn’t realize horses were in there. I’m allergic.”

    So the farmer lets Biden in and sends Obama to the barn instead. A couple minutes later, the farmer hears KNOCK KNOCK on his door. It was Obama standing there. He said, “I can’t sleep out there. The smell from the pigs is making me nauseous.”

    So the farmer lets Obama in and sends Trump out to the barn instead. A couple minutes later, the farmer hears KNOCK KNOCK on the door.

    It was the horse and the pigs standing there.

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  • Defying Signs: To Animal or Not?

    Defying Signs: To Animal or Not?

    Do Not Animals
  • Florida’s King Gator Excalibur Challenge!

    Florida’s King Gator Excalibur Challenge!

    King of Florida

  • Blessing with a Side of Cursing!

    An old religious woman goes to a pet store to buy a parrot. Everything is fine until she brings it home. It begins to swear uncontrollably: “F this, F that, F you,” and finally the lady can stand it no more.

    She grabs the bird, shoves it in the freezer, and slams the door shut. Squawking, shrieking, pounding, and cursing come out of the freezer for a few moments, and then it goes quiet.

    The woman is scared that she has hurt the bird and opens the freezer. The parrot walks calmly out and steps gently onto the woman’s outstretched hand. He looks into the lady’s eyes and says, “Ma’am, I am truly sorry if my language offended you, and it will not recur. If I may ask, what did the chicken do?”

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  • Buzz Off: A Businessman’s Bee Dilemma!

    A businessman wants to buy a farmhouse.

    After discussing the price and coming to common ground on the terms, they shake hands, and the property is practically sold.

    As they do a final walkthrough of the land, the businessman notices a beehive on the property and says, “Please, this needs to be removed—or take them with you. They could sting; it’s dangerous.”

    The farmer answers, “They’ve never stung me once since they’ve been here. I’ve never had any problems with them. I understand that you’re afraid, though, so let’s do it like this: I’ll tie you to this tree right here and leave you here butt naked overnight. If any bee stings you, I’ll give you my property for free.”

    They agree on those terms and shake hands again.

    The next morning, the farmer checks on the businessman and finds him all dried up, skinny, pale, eyes rolled back, and barely holding himself up.

    The farmer is shocked at the sight and says, “I want to apologize. This was a terrible idea. They never stung me or anyone who ever came by. Tell me, how many stung you?”

    The businessman, barely speaking, says, “None… but tell me, does that calf of yours not have a mother?”

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  • Beaver’s Dam Debate: A River of Words!

    Beaver and Woodchuck were chatting down at the local bar on a Friday evening.

    Woodchuck was trying to be patient and get a word in, but Beaver kept going on and on about the pond where his family lived—how wide and deep it was, how much protection it provided, and so on.

    After about an hour, Woodchuck had had enough and yelled out in frustration, “Could you please stop talking about your dammed river?!”

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  • Hammering Home the Ethics

    After attending ethics training, Bob went up to his boss.

    “Boss,” he said, “that ethics training has me feeling bad about us doing product testing on animals.”

    The boss replied, “But Bob, this is an accepted practice, and many shampoo and cosmetics manufacturers test their products on animals.”

    Bob responded, “Yeah, but we make hammers!”

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  • Unexpected Savings

  • Wake-Up Call: Fish Edition

  • Walking Angus: Pizza Over Exercise!