If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.
Topic: animals
Animal jokes, pet memes, wildlife weirdness, and creature-based chaos for anyone who suspects nature has been trolling us this whole time.
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The Missionary and the Chief
There was once a missionary preaching in a small African tribe. The people there loved him, and every day more were converted.
But one day, a white baby was born to one of the women in the tribe. The chief immediately sent for the missionary and demanded to know why he had broken the commandments he had so lovingly taught to his people.
The missionary, having been a devout Christian his entire life, asked to see the child. Upon viewing the baby, it became clear that this baby was an albino. The missionary attempted to explain this to the chief, saying: “Chief, this child suffers from a condition of the skin which changed its color to white. As an example, look upon your flocks of sheep. All are white, except for one which is black.”
The chief cut him off, saying, “OK, I won’t tell about the baby, if you don’t tell about the sheep.”
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A Blind Man Walks Into a Store
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing-eye dog. Once inside, he suddenly picks up the dog by its leash and begins swinging it around in circles over his head.
The panicked store manager runs up and asks, “Sir, sir! Can I help you?”
The man replies, “No thank you. Just looking around.”
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Old Cowboy Gets a Clean Shave at the Barbershop
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he has trouble getting a clean shave because his cheeks are wrinkled with age.
The barber pulls a small wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and says, “Put this inside your cheek. It’ll stretch the skin and make it easier to shave.”
The cowboy does as he’s told, and the barber gives him the cleanest shave he’s had in years.
As he’s leaving, the cowboy asks, “What would happen if I accidentally swallowed that little ball?”
The barber thinks for a moment and says, “Just bring it back in a couple of days, like everyone else does.”
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Cannibal Tribe and the Three Politicians
A Republican, a Libertarian, and a Democrat are captured by a cannibal tribe in a dense jungle. The tribe chief gives them a final chance to save their lives:
“Go into the jungle and bring back ten pieces of any single fruit you can find.”
The Republican returns first with ten apples.
The chief says: “Now, if you can shove all ten apples up your ass without making any sound or expression on your face, we won’t eat you.”
The Republican manages one, but at the second apple, he winces in pain. The tribe eats him.
The Libertarian returns next with ten tiny berries.
The chief gives him the same rule.
The Libertarian gets to the ninth berry with complete silence… but suddenly, right before the tenth one, he bursts out laughing hysterically! The tribe eats him too.
In heaven, the Republican meets the Libertarian and asks: “Dude, you were so close! Why on earth did you laugh on the last berry?”
The Libertarian replies: “I couldn’t help it… I saw the Democrat coming back with ten watermelons!”
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New Prisoner Tries the Numbered Joke System
A man is sentenced to prison for a non-violent crime. He’s scared, but on the first night he notices something strange.
It’s after lights out and all the inmates are in their cells, when a voice from one of the cells yells out, “2467!” And all cells resound with laughter.
After a brief silence, another voice shouts out, “7113!” Again, all the other inmates burst out laughing in their cells.
Puzzled, he asks his neighbor what’s going on. “We love to tell jokes at night,” comes the reply. “But since we’ve been here so long we know them all and have them numbered. So we just yell out the number!”
This goes on for some time. At last, wanting to get in on the action, he decides to try his luck. He boldly shouts out, “557!”
But there is an awkward silence. After a while the sounds die down and it seems like everyone is settling down for bed.
He asks his neighbor what the problem was.
“What can I say, kid. It’s just your delivery that stinks.”
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Diner Returns to Expensive Paris Restaurant
One evening, an impeccably dressed older gentleman walked into a very expensive restaurant in Paris’s 6th arrondissement. He wore a tailored suit, a silk tie and highly polished black Gucci shoes.
The gentleman ordered champagne, foie gras, lobster and a vintage bottle of Bordeaux. For dessert, he selected the most expensive item on the menu and ordered a brandy.
When he had finished his meal, the waiter presented him with the bill.
The gentleman looked at the waiter and said, “I don’t know if you remember me, but many, many years ago, I was quite down on my luck. I came here for a meal and, when it came time to pay, I couldn’t.”
The waiter looked at him more closely.
“You publicly humiliated me,” the gentleman continued. “You had security march me through the restaurant and throw me out into the street.”
The waiter suddenly remembered the incident. His face turned bright red and he began apologizing profusely.
The gentleman held up his hand.
“Don’t worry, old chap,” he said. “I’m terribly sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to do it again.”
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Got in Treble
Why was the musician arrested? He got in treble.
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Dog Ate a Bag of Scrabble Tiles
My dog ate an entire bag of scrabble tiles, so I had to take him to the vet.
No word yet.
