Topic: animals

Animal jokes, pet memes, wildlife weirdness, and creature-based chaos for anyone who suspects nature has been trolling us this whole time.

  • Show Him Your Badge and Warrant

    A DEA officer had a tip that a farmer was growing weed and showed up to inform the farmer that he would be searching the farm for illegal marijuana plants.

    The farmer said: “I do not consent to a search without a warrant.”

    At which point the DEA pulled out his badge and a signed warrant and said: “THIS gives me the authoritah to search wherever I want.”

    So the farmer said: “Okay, but stay out of that field,” pointing to a fenced-in field.

    The DEA says: “Then that is where I will start.”

    The farmer just shrugged and went back to work.

    A few minutes later the DEA agent was screaming and the farmer came to see the DEA agent running and diving, trying to avoid being gored by the farmer’s large bull. The DEA agent was yelling for help. The farmer shouted: “SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE AND WARRANT!!!”

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  • Fox News No News About Foxes

    Fox News No News About Foxes

  • Killing Time His Name Was Tim

    Killing Time His Name Was Tim

  • Spiders Paying Rent

    Spiders Paying Rent

  • Fast Deer

    Fast Deer

  • What Do You Think That Bull Was Slipping In

    At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, “That new bull nearly did me in today, pard.”

    “Oh yeah, what happened?”

    “I was putting out the feed, when the sucker came charging at me like a locomotive from hell. Damn near got me!”

    “So, how’d you get away?”

    “The bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make the fence and jump over.”

    “Man, that’s scary. If it’d been me, I’d probably have shit all over the place.”

    “What do you think that bull was slipping in?”

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  • It Is Your Cow

    Young Dave was courting Mabel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on Dave’s porch watching the sun go down over the hills, Dave spied his prize bull doing the business on one of his cows.

    He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on Mabel. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, “Mabel, I’d sure like to be doing what that bull is doing.”

    “Well then, why don’t you?” Mabel whispered back. “It is YOUR cow.”

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  • Baaaaaaa

    Bubba pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Brian where he’d first had sex.

    “It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours,” Bubba recalled.

    “That sounds wonderful,” said Brian.

    “Yes. It was ok until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us.”

    “Oh my God!!! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?”

    “Baaaaaaa.”

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  • A Good Sheepll Do That

    Well, a couple months back there was this trial in the West Virginia courts. A man was being tried for fornicating with a sheep, since that’s illegal an’ all. Anyway, the key witness was an old fella who was walking along the highway by the farm where the sheep was raised.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The prosecutor asked the witness what he saw: “Well, I was walkin’ along, and saw this sheep just’a eatin’ grass. And then this fella walks up from behind the sheep, real quiet-like.”

    “And then what?” asked the prosecutor.

    “Then he unbuckled his belt, and pulled the sheep close.”

    “And what happened after that?”

    “Well,” said the witness, “they sorta shook for a couple of minutes. THEN, afterwards, the sheep turned around… an’ licked him!”

    Just then one of the members of the jury leaned over to the jury member next to him and said, “You know… a good sheep’ll do that.”

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  • One at a Time Boys

    During a wild party at a Long Island country house, Roxanne had too much to drink and strolled outside for some air. Getting to a grassy field, she lay down to watch the stars. Roxanne was almost asleep when a cow, searching for clover, carefully stepped over her.

    Groggily, she raised her head and said, “One at a time, boys…..one at a time.”

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