I don’t like to toot my own horn, but there was no avoiding it when the late-shift crew at the Johannesburg Taco Bell shoved my vuvuzela up my drunk ass.
Topic: humor
Humor jokes, memes, dark humor, awkward moments, and weird little disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.
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Why don’t the voices in my head ever tell me to do something productive, like put knife
Why don’t the voices in my head ever tell me to do something productive, like put knife down, release the hostages, and get an MBA?
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Of course there’s a reason to beat a dead horse.
Of course there’s a reason to beat a dead horse. It shows all the other horses that you mean business.
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After my accident, the doctors told me I shouldn’t be alive.
After my accident, the doctors told me I shouldn’t be alive. It wasn’t a medical opinion, though — they were expressing a deeply held personal belief.
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Men are not as shallow as we’re sometimes made out to be.
Men are not as shallow as we’re sometimes made out to be. If you give a man a choice between saving the universe and getting laid, he will inevitably choose saving the universe, after only a second or two of indecision.
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One of my co-workers told me this morning that she felt like shit.
One of my co-workers told me this morning that she felt like shit. Well at least now her feelings match her cologne.
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No one was quite the grill-master my father was.
No one was quite the grill-master my father was. People gave him the information he wanted every time.
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I think the most disappointing aspect of the whole Tiger Woods mess is that none of his
I think the most disappointing aspect of the whole Tiger Woods mess is that none of his mistresses had the surname “Mulligan.”
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I despise it when those jerk perverts call and wake you up in the middle of the night,
I despise it when those jerk perverts call and wake you up in the middle of the night, talk dirty for a few minutes, then hang up. Slow down, Speedy — give a girl time to catch up!
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Lysol says there are lots of germs on my hand soap pump.
Lysol says there are lots of germs on my hand soap pump. But how the hell am I supposed to remember to wash my hands whenever I touch it?
