Topic: language

Language jokes, memes, dark humor, awkward moments, and weird little disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.

  • Epiphany

    I had an epiphany today: I finally realized what the word epiphany means.

  • Hard Pour Corn vs Soft Pour Corn

    Hard Pour Corn vs Soft Pour Corn

    Hard pour corn vs. soft pour corn

  • Bob Peters’ Unfortunate Barbershop Visit

    A man was looking all over town to find a friend of his. He walked down the street and came to a barber shop. He stuck his head inside and asked, “Bob Peters here?”

    The barber replied, “Nah, we just do shaves and haircuts.”

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  • Secretary of Defense

    If the top doctor and top lawyer are called the Surgeon General and the Attorney General, how come the person who heads up the military is called the Secretary of Defense? I suppose it’s because he can type really fast.

  • Molotov Was a Beer Drinker

    I’ve got ten dollars that says Molotov was a beer drinker.

  • Sweet Carol Line

    Sweet Carol Line

    My name’s Carol.

    Really? Me too!

    I’m also Carol.

    Me too!

    Hi, I’m Carol.

    Sweet Carol line.

  • Double Tap

    Double Tap

    Double tap on your screen

  • Warning Labels for the Dangerously Obvious and Absurd

    Here are some actual label instructions on consumer products that may tell us that we are;

    1. On a blanket from Taiwan –
    NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

    2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists –
    REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

    3. On a Taiwanese shampoo –
    USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

    4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink
    AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

    5. On a New Zealand insect spray –
    THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

    6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer –
    TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

    7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids
    LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

    8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles
    OPEN OTHER END.

    9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins –
    WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

    10. On a Sears hairdryer –
    DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

    11. On a bag of Fritos –
    YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.

    12. On a bar of Dial soap –
    DIRECTIONS – USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.

    13. On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)-
    DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.

    14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding –
    PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.

    15. On a Korean kitchen knife –
    WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

    16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights –
    FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.

    17. On a Japanese food processor –
    NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.

    18. On Sainsbury’s peanuts –
    WARNING – CONTAINS NUTS.

    19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts
    INSTRUCTIONS – OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.

    20. On a Swedish chainsaw –
    DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.

    21. On a child’s superman costume –
    WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.

    22. On some frozen dinners
    SERVING SUGGESTION DEFROST.

    23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box
    FITS ONE HEAD.

    24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron
    DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

    25. On Boot’s “Children’s” cough medicine
    DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

    26. On Nytol sleep aid
    WARNING MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.

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  • Step Car

    Step Car

    W-what are you doing step car?