Rare photo of a shark stepping on a Lego.
Topic: language
Language jokes, memes, dark humor, awkward moments, and weird little disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.
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German Car Parts Get Hilariously Mistranslated Names
When the German language doesn’t have an existing word one can sometimes assemble a new one from bits they already have. Therefore non-british people who speak english should pronounce the german phonetically.
INDICATORS Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken
BONNET Pullnob und Knucklechoppen
EXHAUST Spitzenpoppenhangentuben
SPEEDOMETER Der Egobooster und Linenshooter
CLUTCH Die Kuplink mit achlippen und schaken
PUNCTURE Die Phlatt mit Bludyfucken
LEARNER Die Twatten mit Elplate
ESTATE CAR Der Bagzeroomfurshagginaute
PARKING METER Der tennarpinscher und Zlochenarr
WINDSCREEN WIPER Der flippenflappenmuckenschpredder
POWER BRAKES Der edbangeronvinschreen stoppenquick
GEAR LEVER Biggensticken fur Kangaroochoppen
FUEL GAUGE Der Walletemptyung Meter
BREATHALYSER Die Puffitinter fur Pistenarsen
REAR VIEW MIRROR Der Yonkunter ist Tooklosan
SEAT BELT Der klunkenklikken frauleinstrapper
HEADLIGHTS Das Dippendontdazzelubasted
EXHAUST FUMES Die Koffundschplitterpoluter
HIGHWAY CODE Der Wipen fur Arsen
FOG WARNING Die Puttenklogdownan und Fukkitt
TRAFFIC JAM Die Bluddifuckin Dammundblast
REAR SEAT Der Schpringentester
TYRES Flatfahrts
BACKFIRE Der Lowdenbangermekkenjumpen
JUGGERNAUT Der Fukkengratt Trukken
ACCIDENT Das Bleedinkmess
NEAR ACCIDENT Der Phewn Near Schittenselfen
GARAGE Der Hieway Robberung
CYCLIST Der Peddallpushink Pilloken
SKID Die Bannanen Waltzen
DOUBLE WHITE LINES Overtaken und Krunchen. -
Games You Can Play With Your Pussy
GAMES YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOUR PUSSY
“And Lots of Other Stuff Cat Owners Should Know
APC
3715 APC200
MADE IN USA
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Office Profanity Code System Hilariously Revealed
Interoffice Memo
It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals have been using foul language in the course of normal conversation between employees. Due to complaints from some of the more easily offended workers, this conduct will no longer be tolerated. The management does, however, realize the importance of each person being able to express their feelings when communicating with their fellow employees. Therefore, the management has compiled the following coded list. It is imperative that all employees understand and memorize these coded phrases so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue.
OLD PHRASE | NEW PHRASE
No fucking way. | I’m not certain that’s feasible.
You’ve got to be shitting me? | Really?
Tell someone who gives a shit. | Perhaps you should check with:
Ask me if I give a shit. | Of course I’m concerned.
It’s not my fucking problem. | I wasn’t involved in that project.
What the fuck? | Interesting behavior:
Fuck it, it won’t work. | I’m not sure I can implement this.
Why the fuck didn’t they tell me sooner? | I’ll try to reschedule that.
When the fuck do you expect me to do this? | Perhaps I can work late?
Who the fuck cares. | Are you sure it’s a problem?
He’s got his head up his ass. | He’s not familiar with the problem.
Eat shit. | You don’t say?
Eat shit and die. | Excuse me?
Eat shit and die motherfucker. | Excuse me, sir?
What the fuck do they want from me? | They weren’t happy with it?
Kiss my ass. | So, would you like my help with that?
Fuck it, I’m on salary. | I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
Shove it up your ass. | I don’t think you understand.
This job sucks shit. | I love a challenge.
Who the hell died and made you boss? | You want me to take care of this?
Blow me. | I see.
Blow yourself. | Do you see?
Another fucking meeting? | Yes, we should discuss this.
I don’t really give a shit. | I don’t think it will be a problem.
He’s fucking retarded. | He’s confused.
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Eat the Sauce
I wonder if the French word for “eat” is “app,” ’cause then the word “applesauce” would be “eat-the-sauce” in France, and I bet those dirty French would hate that.
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The Top 15 Rejected Cocktail Names
15. Harvey Ballbuster
14. Gin & Colonic
13. Slow Uncomfortable Spew
12. Scabby Mary
11. Sullen Masturbation on the Beach
10. Wrung-Out Bar Rag on the Rocks with a Twist
9. Bloody Navel
8. Blatant Reference to Sexual Activity
7. The Slutmaker
6. Sloe Comfortable Screw Up Against a Wall in Cancun Next to a Fat Dude Named Ramon Who Keeps Flicking Matches at Some Kids Poking a Dead Rat with a Stick They Found Underneath a ’57 T-Bird with a Dead Prostitute in the Trunk
5. Long Island Iced Pee
4. Screaming Hangover
3. Buttery Pimple
2. Elian on the Beach
1. Sex with Your Wife
The Top 5 List — www.topfive.com
Copyright 2001 by Chris White -
Big Fucking Boat
God: Build a big fucking boat
Noah: Do you mean a very large boat or a boat made for fucking.
God: *pauses*
God: Both
