(Tim H. Richweis) The biggest difference between my clitoris and Osama bin Laden is that a guy actually found Osama bin Laden.
Topic: politics
Political jokes, public meltdowns, campaign nonsense, and democracy having a day from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.
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Abortion Is a Difficult Topic
What is your opinion on abortion?
Abortion is a difficult topic for me.
On the one hand I support it because it kills children.
On the other hand, it gives women a choice.
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Homecoming Queen
Donald Trump’s presidential campaign is really nothing more than a high-stakes version of “Wouldn’t it be funny to elect the ugly girl homecoming queen?”
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Grandfather Clock Skirt
nene @dollcharm: this is literally the perfect skirt length
President Biden @POTUS: my dick would be swinging out the bottom like a grandfather clock
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The Top 14 October Surprises
14. A final, no-holds-barred presidential debate is hastily scheduled by the producers of “American Gladiators.”
13. Supreme Court opens their new session by replacing “yea” or “nay” with “left” or “right.”
12. Donald Trump provides incontrovertible proof that he’s not a Russian spy by revealing that he’s a Chinese spy.
11. Bill already advertising for interns on Craigslist.
10. The pumpkin spice craze is a secret chemical warfare plot concocted by Donald Trump to turn the entire world orange.
9. Ronald Reagan rises from the dead, just to show that he can.
8. Hillary’s server full of e-mails advocating “grabbing Bernie by the droopy balls.”
7. Oddly enough, Disney’s Hall of Presidents attraction has had a Hillary figure ready to go since 1996.
6. Hearing a 9-year-old tell a 7-year-old his costume is culturally insensitive.
5. The press rebrands the Affordable Care Act as the Holy-Cow-Talk-About-Sticker-Shock Care Act.
4. Scientists discover that Trump’s hair is a living creature that controls the empty puppet underneath.
3. Anthony Weiner: the dick that keeps on giving.
2. E-mail discovered on Anthony Weiner’s computer reveals that his birth name was Anthony Vajayjay.
1. Not a soul has come from the future to put a stop to this madness.
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Turning Point USA Irony
Turning Point USA was founded in 2012 by Charlie Kirk and Bill Montgomery.
Two of their major policy pushes were a more prominent gun culture and zero COVID restrictions.
Bill Montgomery died to the COVID virus.
Charlie Kirk died to gun violence.
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Do You Swear? No.
judge: do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth
me: no
judge: [covers mic] what do I do
