Topic: politics

Political jokes, public meltdowns, campaign nonsense, and democracy having a day from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.

  • Rick Astley for President

    Rick Astley for President

    RICK ASTLEY FOR PRESIDENT

    HE WILL NEVER EVER

    GIVE YOU UP | MAKE YOU CRY

    LET YOU DOWN | SAY GOODBYE

    RUN AROUND | TELL A LIE

    DESERT YOU | HURT YOU

    2020

  • J Stands for Jenius

    J Stands for Jenius

    THE J IN DONALD J. TRUMP STANDS FOR JENIUS.

  • Just Take the Fucking Picture Hillary

    Just Take the Fucking Picture Hillary

    It’s hip hop… You wouldn’t get it… Just take the fucking picture Hillary

  • Double or Nothing

    A certain country was ruled by a dictator who was very paranoid. He rarely appeared in public; he preferred to send one of his many doubles.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    One day, an enemy attacks the palace. The survival of the dictator is in question. The doubles await news, trembling in fear. If the dictator dies, they would be no longer useful, and with all the secrets they know, the new regime surely wouldn’t let them live.

    Finally, they are called into a conference room. One of the dictator’s chief advisors enters.

    “My dear doubles!” he says. “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that our beloved leader has survived the dastardly attack, and so, your services are still very much required.”

    The doubles collectively sigh with relief.

    Then a big man with an axe enters the room.

    “Now for the bad news,” continues the advisor. “He lost an arm…”

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  • Red Flags Everywhere

    I broke up with my girlfriend of five years because I found out she was a communist.

    I should have known — there were red flags everywhere.

  • Which President Said That?

    A little boy was sitting in class. The teacher decided that since it was Friday afternoon and there was nothing left to do for the week, she’d let the students go home early if they could answer a question correctly.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The teacher said, “Okay class, which president said, ‘The only thing we have to fear is fear itself’?”

    Little Timmy was bouncing up and down in his seat, arm raised: “OOH! OOH! I KNOW!”

    Before the teacher could call on him, little Julie stood and said, “Franklin Roosevelt.”

    “Very good, Julie, you can go,” the teacher replied. “Okay class, which president said, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country’?”

    Again, little Timmy’s hand shot into the air and he waved his arms excitedly. “OOH! OOH! I KNOW! PLEASE!”

    Again, before she had a chance to call on anyone, little Sally stood and said, “John Kennedy.”

    “Very good, Sally, you may leave also.” The teacher asked again, “Okay class, which president said, ‘Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall’?”

    Before Timmy could answer, little Jennifer jumped up and shouted, “Ronald Reagan!”

    Frustrated, little Timmy mumbled to himself, “I wish these bitches would keep their fucking mouths shut!”

    The teacher heard and shouted, “WHO SAID THAT?!?”

    Timmy jumped up: “Bill Clinton! Can I go now?”

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  • The Top 11 Celebrity Secret Santa Gifts

    11. J.J. Abrams — money silos to store all the coin Disney will throw at him to direct a future “Star Wars” movie

    10. Tom Brady — a pressure cooker

    9. Tom Brady — Federal Reserve action to prevent deflation

    8. Bernie Sanders — combo campaign/get off my lawn signs

    7. North West — witnessing a horrible crime so Witness Protection can change her name and reassign her to a nice, suburban, middle-class family from the Kansas City area

    6. Jim Gilmore — a mirror, so someone would see him

    5. Renée Zellweger — her old face back

    4. Ben Carson — a good campaign surgeon

    3. Gwyneth Paltrow — a steam cleaner

    2. Reince Priebus — balls

    1. Miss Piggy — a dry rub

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  • Who’s the Bald Woman?

    Who’s the Bald Woman?

    Her: I didn’t find any hair in your car

    Me: Okay .. so?

    Her: Soo who’s the bald woman?

  • Running Government Like Death Row Records

    Running Government Like Death Row Records

    Trump got 34 felonies, 3 baby mommas, been shot, and kidnapped a sitting President. He running our government like Death Row Records from the 90’s.

  • Fuck Trump Doesn’t Mean That

    Fuck Trump Doesn’t Mean That

    EVERYBODY WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME

    DONALD THATS NOT WHAT “FUCK TRUMP” MEANS