Max Dylan Ash @mynameisntdave
ME: honey, it’s really muggy out today
WIFE: if I go outside & all our mugs are on the front lawn, I’m leaving u
ME: *sips coffee from bowl*
Topic: relationships
Relationship jokes, dating disasters, marriage chaos, red flags, and emotionally questionable laughs for people who have loved, lost, and texted anyway.
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Do Amish Dudes Have to Row Boat Their Wife’s Titties?
Hes probably thinking about other women
Do Amish dudes have to row boat their wife’s titties?
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I Struck Down a Jedi – Yes Use Your Hate
Gringo Brulee @GringoBrulee
Wife: wtf is this pile of clothes doing on the floor?
Me: I struck down a Jedi.
W: god I hate you.
M: yes, use your hate
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Can You Give the Kids a Talk on Drugs – I Talk a Lot of Shit When I’m High
Wife: Can you give the kids a talk on drugs?
Me: Ok but I talk a lot of shit when I’m high
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Dog: Drop the Ball – Dog: Go Fuck Yourself
Dog: You are my life. My purpose. I will do anything for you
Human: Drop the ball
Dog: Go fuck yourself
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When You Have to Hold Her Like This at Night Because She Steals
When you have to hold her like this at night because she steals
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It’s Called Chloroform – Aromatherapy Without All the Struggling
It’s called chloroform… you’ll love it. It’s like aromatherapy but without all the struggling.
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So Dracula Won’t Try to Eat My Ass – Garlic in My Pants
m@thew @TweetPotato314
wife: why r u putting garlic in ur pants
me: so dracula won’t try to eat my ass
wife: why would dracula try to eat ur ass
me: he won’t. the garlic- r u even listening
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When You Said You Were a Monster in Bed But Didn’t Get Specific
When you said you were a monster in bed, but didn’t get specific
