Topic: sex

Dark sex jokes, adult memes, awkward hookups, bedroom disasters, and the kind of punchlines that should probably clear their browser history afterward.

  • Charge by the Inch

    Having had one drink too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display a nasty side. An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, “Hey! How about it, babe? You and me?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    As she got up to move, he said loudly, “Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don’t have an extra two dollars.”

    She looked back and replied just as loudly, “What makes you think I charge by the inch?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail
  • Turn The Car On

    Turn The Car On

    (Driving test)

    Instructor: Turn the car on

    Me: Umm ok. (rubbing interior) You like that? You filthy who-

    Instructor: Ok we’re done here

  • Say It With Flowers

    Say It With Flowers

    “SAY IT WITH FLOWERS!”

    “I NEED SOMETHING THAT SAYS, ‘I’D LIKE TO STICK MY DICK BETWEEN YOUR TITS’”

  • Piano Man Gay Bar

    Piano Man Gay Bar

    notquitesoancient: you know who’s gay? paul the real estate novelist who never had time for a wife and davey who’s still in the navy and probably will be for life

    mooncustafer: New headcannon: everyone in that song is gay except the Piano Man who has no idea he’s playing at a gay bar and the staff and regulars have a betting pool on how long he’ll take to finally figure it out. So far John is ahead.

    skeleton-richard: #that makes the ‘man what are you doing here’ line way funnier

  • Me Too Ice Cream

    Me Too Ice Cream

    Me too ice cream, me too

    Made to be licked, topped, and loved

    Jeni’s makes it better.

  • Another 67 of Them

    My girlfriend asked to do a 69.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    I said, “What’s that?” She said, “Lie down and I’ll show you,” so she went to squat over my face.

    As she did, she farted and jumped up and said, “Sorry,” and then tried again. She then farted a second time.

    With that, I jumped up and said, “I’m fucked. I’m not hanging around for another sixty-seven of them.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Fascinate

    A teacher asks little Johnny to say a sentence using the word “fascinate.”

    Little Johnny: “My sister’s boobs are so big that when she puts on her shirt with ten buttons, she can only fasten eight.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Your Wife Is Better

    Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, “Heck. My wife is better than that.”

    The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, “You know what? Your wife is better.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail
  • VHS Roulette

    VHS Roulette

    VHS roulette: A very dangerous game to play. Is it porn or a birthday party?

  • Big Fucking Boat

    Big Fucking Boat

    God: Build a big fucking boat

    Noah: Do you mean a very large boat or a boat made for fucking.

    God: *pauses*

    God: Both