Dark sex jokes, adult memes, awkward hookups, bedroom disasters, and the kind of punchlines that should probably clear their browser history afterward.
(Driving test)
Instructor: Turn the car on
Me: Umm ok. (rubbing interior) You like that? You filthy who-
Instructor: Ok we’re done here
“SAY IT WITH FLOWERS!”
“I NEED SOMETHING THAT SAYS, ‘I’D LIKE TO STICK MY DICK BETWEEN YOUR TITS’”
notquitesoancient: you know who’s gay? paul the real estate novelist who never had time for a wife and davey who’s still in the navy and probably will be for life
mooncustafer: New headcannon: everyone in that song is gay except the Piano Man who has no idea he’s playing at a gay bar and the staff and regulars have a betting pool on how long he’ll take to finally figure it out. So far John is ahead.
skeleton-richard: #that makes the ‘man what are you doing here’ line way funnier
Me too ice cream, me too
Made to be licked, topped, and loved
Jeni’s makes it better.
My girlfriend asked to do a 69.
I said, “What’s that?” She said, “Lie down and I’ll show you,” so she went to squat over my face.
As she did, she farted and jumped up and said, “Sorry,” and then tried again. She then farted a second time.
With that, I jumped up and said, “I’m fucked. I’m not hanging around for another sixty-seven of them.”
God: Build a big fucking boat
Noah: Do you mean a very large boat or a boat made for fucking.
God: *pauses*
God: Both
