Topic: sex

Dark sex jokes, adult memes, awkward hookups, bedroom disasters, and the kind of punchlines that should probably clear their browser history afterward.

I wonder why the sperm bank doesn’t have a drive-through teller.

I wonder why the sperm bank doesn’t have a drive-through teller. It seems like the logical next step since so many guys masturbate in their cars.
Don’t you hate it when you’re about to cum and the guy does

Don’t you hate it when you’re about to cum and the guy does something to ruin it? You know, like speaking.
I have one religious tenet when it comes to sex: Ask and ye

I have one religious tenet when it comes to sex: Ask and ye shall receive. Except for anal.
Women sure are hard to figure out. My new girlfriend makes a big

Women sure are hard to figure out. My new girlfriend makes a big point of telling me she likes really rough sex, then she gets all pissed off about my sandpaper condom invention.
All of a sudden, my girlfriend is willing to try all sorts of

All of a sudden, my girlfriend is willing to try all sorts of stuff in bed that she’s never been interested in before. Woohoo! I’ve been waiting forever for– hey, what the hell?!?
I think a better name for a threesome is “Trifuckta

I think a better name for a threesome is “Trifuckta.”
They say the biggest sexual organ is really the brain. I still

They say the biggest sexual organ is really the brain. I still kind of like my huge, throbbing meat missile though.
Looking over my 401(k) statement recently made me queasy — even

Looking over my 401(k) statement recently made me queasy — even more so when I looked up to notice the smartphone-illuminated meth-mouth of the hooker who was riding me at the time.
There’s probably no clearer sign that you made the right

There’s probably no clearer sign that you made the right decision to meet with your doctor about your sex addiction than your masturbating to the breast-self-exam pamphlet in the waiting room.
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me ’cause I won’t let

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me ’cause I won’t let you cum in my hair.