Topic: sex

Dark sex jokes, adult memes, awkward hookups, bedroom disasters, and the kind of punchlines that should probably clear their browser history afterward.

  • Ajax Super Strong

    Ajax Super Strong

    I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla

  • Hol Up Threesome

    Hol Up Threesome

    When your girl says yes to a 3 some and you get in the room and there’s 2 niggas and shes holdin a camera

    Hol up.

  • Asshole Always Hurts

    Asshole Always Hurts

    ME: I don’t understand why my Asshole always hurts.

    Also ME: (spicy food and priest collage)

  • Make It 52

    Make It 52

    At the store buying 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around and looked them in the eyes and said, ‘Make it 52.’

  • Butterface

    Joey was hanging in a bar, and his friends asked him if he’d scored lately.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Man, I picked up this chick the other night and had the best sex ever,” Joey told them. “The only problem was, she was a total butterface.”

    His friends asked him, “What the hell is a butterface?”

    Joey answered, “Everything about her was hot, but her face.”

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  • I Had No Idea Your Father Was a Pharmacist

    A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her and her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy: a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

    That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents’ house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in.”

    The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. Ten minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

    Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”

    The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!”

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  • Can I Turn the Light Off?

    A man is about to have sex with a really large woman, so he climbs on top of her.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Can I turn the ceiling light off?” he asks.

    “Why?” she replies. “Are you feeling a bit shy?”

    “No,” he says. “It’s burning my ass.”

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  • Jeopardy: Blood, Sweat, and Tears

    Jeopardy: Blood, Sweat, and Tears

    Category: BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS. Contestant shrugs, commits to the bit, walks away $8,800 richer and forever remembered.

  • He’s at Home with the Kids

    A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day was involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman, “Do you know what your asshole does when you’re having an orgasm?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Sure,” she said. “He’s at home, taking care of the kids.”

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  • A Bulldog Eating Mayonnaise

    A man and his four-year-old son were talking about sex. The son asked his father, “Dad, what does a pussy look like?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The dad asked him, “Before or after sex?”

    “Ummm, before sex,” the kid replied.

    The dad said, “Have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?”

    “Yeah,” said the son. “Well, what about after sex?”

    His dad replied, “Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?”

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