Work jokes, office memes, job interview disasters, coworker chaos, and professional suffering with just enough sarcasm to survive another meeting.
1. It is unsafe to lick your monitor while it is ON.
2. The orifices in the back of your monitor are NOT intended for participation in the LIVE sex shows.
3. The fan in your computer’s power supply is not a good place to cool your “heat of passion” (although, it would certainly be an enlightening experience).
4. Be prepared to replace your keyboard often if you enjoy “tickling the keys” with your manhood.
5. Semen IS electrically conductive!
Reality: I poop in the litter box myself.
LinkedIn: Independently executes a self-sanitation protocol, expertly managing bio-waste in designated litter facilities. Maintains exceptional personal hygiene and cleanliness, contributing to a well-ordered and harmonious home environment.
Why are IT guys such dicks?
Last week I drove two hours to push the power button on a server that three separate people assured me was already on.
A young boy asked his mother, “Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?”
“Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?” replied by his mother.
The young boy answered “The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary.”
A high end and very well known business wants to hire a new accountant.
But everybody who went in for an interview got rejected. People with 30+ years in the industry were turned away like they were morons. The reputation of this job started to spread, and caught the attention of a kid who recently graduated college and was looking for a job in the field.
He figured he had nothing to lose, so he applied and was called into an interview with the CEO.
The CEO said “I only ask one question when looking for accountants.” The kid gulped, but nodded. After a pause, the CEO asked:
“What’s 1+1?”
Confused, the kid thought about the question for a bit, then smiled and answered “it’s whatever you want it to be.”
“You got the job,” the CEO replied.
The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.
She said “well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine”
“Well, what did he want to do?” they all asked. She said “I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn’t have that much”
“So I told him a blow job would be $75, but he didn’t have that much either”
“Finally I said, well, how much do you have”? The marine said that he only had $25. The new hooker said “well, for $25 all I can give you is a hand job”
He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said “he pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand…..”
“Oh my god” they all exclaimed, “it must have been huge…. then what did you do?”
“I loaned him $75!” she said.
