The best part about my birthday being on a weekday is having my co-workers seek me out and congratulate me. Or maybe word just got around about the monstrous, pretzel-shaped steamer I was able to drop across the boss’ keyboard.
Topic: work
Work jokes, office memes, job interview disasters, coworker chaos, and professional suffering with just enough sarcasm to survive another meeting.
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The only difference between my job and that of a trapeze artist is the clowns are less
The only difference between my job and that of a trapeze artist is the clowns are less threatening.
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First Day at Domino’s
Kyle 🌱
@KylePlantEmoji
[first day at Domino’s]
Manager: oh and one more thing: don’t
fuck the pizzas
Me: haha
Asst Manager: seriously, don’t fuck
them
Cook: don’t fuck the pizzas dude
Me: I’m n-
Customer: that guy’s not gonna fuck my
pizza is he?
Manager: not if he wants to keep his
job he wont. -
Do railroad workers need to be trained?
Do railroad workers need to be trained?
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My Buddy Builds Tunnels for a Living
My buddy builds tunnels for a living.
Personally, I think it sounds like a boring job, but he totally digs it.
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Blonde Fired From the M&M Factory
Hear about the blonde who got fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away all the Ws.
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The Height of a Flagpole
Two blondes are trying to estimate the height of a flagpole.
A builder walks past and they explain their problem. He says, “That’s simple, ladies, watch this.”
He unbolts it, lies it flat and measures it. One blonde says to the other blonde, “What a DICK, need to know the height not the fkn length.”
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Ted Meets the Missus
Ted asks his colleague, “So Larry, when are you gonna have me over to meet the missus?”
“Well,” says Larry, “she’s very shy, and doesn’t love socializing.”
“Ah come on Larry, it’ll be a quiet evening with just us three.”
“Hmm, OK let me talk to her.”
A few days later, Larry says, “OK I talked her into it, but you have to remember how hard this is for her. Promise me you won’t say anything that might upset her.”
Ted says sure, of course, so they agree on dinner Friday at seven.
Friday rolls around, and Larry meets Ted at his front door.
“Welcome, Ted! Come on in, and just remember: we’re making a real effort here, so let’s have a nice quiet calm evening.”
Ted agrees and walks through to the living room, where he stops dead in his tracks and shouts, “OH MY GOD LARRY YOUR WIFE IS A FUCKING TURTLE”
Larry says, “Ted, look what you’ve done! Do you have any idea what it took to get her out of her shell?”
