Topic: work

At my therapist’s suggestion, I took up painting to try to work through some homicidal thoughts I’ve been having. If I ever become a famous artist like Picasso, I guess this will be known as my “Douchebag in Wool Cap With Slashed Throat” period.

Being a dull boy makes Jack consent to an all work/no play situation in the first place.

As much as there is no “I” in team, the next time management demands the workers do some stupid and demeaning job, they will find that “M & E” are down at the bar watching “T & A.”

What options other than “bang on the drum” do I have if I don’t want to work?

I don’t think I’ll get that promotion after all. During my annual performance review, my boss spent most of the time beating me on the head with a yachting cap like the Skipper did Gilligan.

There’s nothing more embarrassing than having finished a huge brain dump at work, then having someone in the break- room point out you still have a piece of spreadsheet stuck to your ear.

I would totally stop bitching about where my jetpack is if they could just get the propeller beanie to work right. /@rmfnord

I’m thinking about getting a nose job. I’ll smell anything for money.

You’re saying you DON’T watch midget porn on your phone when you’re on the crapper at work? Well excuse ME, your majesty! Greg Preece

The best part about soccer starting to gain attention in the US, is that it makes it less of a gamble to Google “Women juggling balls” at work.