Delivery Style: bait and switch

Bait and switch joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Catch a Falling Star and Blackmail It

    Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket. Then tell it that unless you get a cool half-mil, you’ll sell to the highest tabloid bidder those embarrassing photos of it puking naked in the alley.

  • Top 13 Signs a Cartoon Character Is a Terrorist (Part II)

    The Top 13 Signs a Cartoon Character Is a Terrorist (Part II)

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    13. Maybe it’s the burqas, but there’s something unsettling about Jihad and the Pussycats.

    12. Miss Hannigan is hard of hearing and thinks she has been promised 72 urchins.

    11. You overhear “Eh, what’s up, bin Doc?”

    10. Who else would have masterminded the tainted spinach outbreak last September?

    9. You hear “Arriba! Arriba!” and look up to see an unattended, ticking package where there was nothing a moment before.

    8. Cathy hasn’t packed on as many pounds over the years as you’d think: “Ack! This sweater won’t fit over my suicide belt!”

    7. “I tawt I taw an imperialit devil. I did! I did see an imperialit devil!”

    6. He’s on Al-Jazeera declaring, “Ubuhdee ubuhdee ubuhdee ubuhdee ubuhdeath to America!”

    5. When that sociopathic, sadistic bitch once again yanks the football away from Charlie Brown, he cuts off her hands then has her stoned to death.

    4. Your interrogators seem to think this Pinocchio character is lying.

    3. “Duck season!” “Rabbit season!” “Duck season!” “Rabbit season!” “Rabbit season!” “DucKA-BOOOOOOOOOOM!”

    2. Seen taking ACME BAT WING flying lessons without learning how to land.

    1. “I will gladly pay you Tuesday for some mustard gas today.”

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  • Blossom and Piggy in Dublin

    A priest was walking the streets of Dublin and came upon a little girl walking her dog. The little girl came up to the priest and smiled, so the priest inquired as to her name.

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    “Blossom,” said the little girl.

    “Oh Jaysus, what a pretty name. How’d you come to be named that, dear?”

    The little girl replied, “When my mother was pregnant with me she was walking through a park and a single flower blossom was carried by the wind and landed directly at her feet.”

    “Oh, what a sweet story,” the priest beamed. “And what might be the name of your dog?”

    “Piggy,” said the girl.

    “And why was he named that?” asked the priest.

    And the little girl says, “Because he fucks pigs.”

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  • The Wrong Recipient

    My wife sent a message to me:

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    “I am leaving you. Sex with you is not what it used to be. This is the end.”

    But I am so lucky — another message from her arrived:

    “Sorry. This message was not for you.”

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  • You’ve Got a Friend in Me

    The next Toy Story movie will include sex toys. They even wrote a new song for Andy’s mom:

    You’ve got a friend IN ME.

  • Your Dad Was Better at It

    Growing up, my mom would never hit me or my brother.

    When I asked her why, she said, “Because your dad was better at it.”

  • Grandpa in the Hospital

    A man goes to visit his grandpa in the hospital.

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    “How are you, grandpa?” he asks.

    “Feeling fine,” says the old man.

    “What’s the food like?”

    “Terrific, wonderful menus.”

    “And nursing?”

    “Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.”

    “What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?”

    “No problem at all — nine hours solid every night. At 10 o’clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet… and that’s it. I go out like a light.”

    The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the Sister in charge.

    “What are you people doing?” he says. “I’m told you’re giving a 95-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can’t be true?”

    “Oh, yes,” replies the Sister. “Every night at 10 o’clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed.”

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  • The Early Return and the Generous Man

    A guy flies home a day early from a business trip. He takes a cab home, and then tells the cabby, “I think my wife is having an affair. I’ll give you an extra hundred bucks if you come in to be my witness.” The cabby agrees.

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    They sneak in, go up to the bedroom, and pull the covers off the bed. Sure enough, the guy’s wife is in bed banging another man.

    The husband pulls out a gun and aims at the guy. Before he can shoot, the wife shouts, “Don’t do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the car I bought for you. He paid for our new boat. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!”

    As the husband stands there in shock, the cabby asks, “What are you gonna do?”

    And the husband says, “I’m gonna cover his ass with that blanket before he catches a cold.”

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  • The Two Kids in the Hospital

    Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on gurneys next to each other, outside the operating room.

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    The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”

    The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

    The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”

    The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”

    The first kid says, “A circumcision.”

    The second kid says, “Whoa, good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born… Couldn’t walk for a year.”

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  • Pillsbury Funerals Cremation Services

    Pillsbury Funerals Cremation Services

    Nothing says lovin’ like something warm from the oven lol…. Woohoo