Delivery Style: bait and switch

Bait and switch joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Moth Exterminator

    A man is banging a married woman when suddenly they hear the front door slam. “It’s my husband, hide in the bathroom!” says the woman frantically.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The man runs into the bathroom just as the husband enters the bedroom. “Honey, why are you naked?” he asks.

    “I was waiting for you, dear,” she says.

    The husband walks into the bathroom and sees a naked man standing there, poking the ceiling with the toilet plunger. “Who the hell are you?” the husband yells.

    “The moth exterminator,” says the naked man.

    “Why the hell are you naked?” shouts the husband.

    The naked man looks down, jumps back in shock, and yells, “Those sneaky little bastards!”

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  • Pineapple Juice Think Ahead

    Pineapple Juice Think Ahead

  • The Holy Water Fountain

    Father Rick has lately gotten news that some of the Sisters had been naughty, and he decided to take action. He gathered the Nuns and made them line up in front of the church’s courtyard fountain of holy water.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Now sisters. I understand that desire can be strong. But today you wash away your sins. You name your sin and wash it away with the holy water.”

    The first nun in line admits to having peeked and stared at a penis, so she washes her eyes with the holy water. The second nun admitted to having touched a penis, so she washes her hand in the holy water…

    Then, suddenly, Sister Clarice starts bumping all the other nuns to get to the front of the line.

    “Sister, sister, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but everybody will get their turn.”

    “Well, I’ll tell you what, Father. If I must gargle this holy water, I’m sure going to do it before Sister Marie dunks her ass in it!”

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  • Missing You

    After an argument a husband sat in his work room throwing darts at a photo of his wife but not a single one hits the target.

    From upstairs his wife asks him, “What are you doing?”

    He replies, “Missing you!”

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  • Password Rejected

    A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘penis.’ Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!

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  • Get Treatment for 20 Dollars

    A Chinese doctor moved to the U.S., but couldn’t land a job at a hospital. So, he decided to open his own little clinic and hung a sign outside that read:

    “Get treatment for $20 — If not cured, get $100 back!”

    One day, an American lawyer saw the sign and thought, “Easy money!” So he walked in.

    Lawyer: “Doc, I’ve lost my sense of taste.”

    Doctor: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22. Put three drops in the patient’s mouth.”

    Lawyer: “Ugh! That’s kerosene!”

    Doctor: “Congrats, your taste is back! That’ll be $20.”

    Annoyed but not giving up, the lawyer returned a few days later.

    Lawyer: “I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember a thing.”

    Doctor: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put three drops in his mouth.”

    Lawyer: “Hey — that’s kerosene! You gave me this last time!”

    Doctor: “Congrats, your memory’s back! That’ll be $20.”

    Now fuming, the lawyer came back one last time, determined to win the $100.

    Lawyer: “Doc, my eyesight is so bad — I can’t see a thing!”

    Doctor: “I’m sorry, I don’t have any medicine for that. Here’s your $100.”

    The doctor handed him a $20 bill.

    Lawyer (squinting): “Hey, wait! This is only $20, not $100!”

    Doctor: “Congrats, your eyesight’s restored! That’ll be $20.”

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  • Saturday Night With Ned

    My neighbor Ned cornered me in the driveway and grinned like a maniac.

    “Oi, come over Saturday night, mate. It’s gonna be mental — bit of drinking, bit of fighting, bit of fucking!”

    I lit up. “Hell yeah! What time?”

    Ned shrugged, still smiling.

    “Don’t matter. It’ll just be you and me.”

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  • The Word Is Sternum

    The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

    Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, “I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.”

    You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

    “Tom was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain.”

    “We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s scrotum and wrap a wire around it to hold it in place.”

    Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

    “Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.”

    All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

    He said, “I’m Tom Smith.” The entire congregation held its breath.

    “I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.”

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  • Tooth Hurty AM

    Dentist: “You need to—”

    Me: “I need to floss more.”

    Dentist: “No, you need to get out of my house. It’s 2:30 a.m.”

    Me…

    Dentist…

    Me: [muffled behind ski mask] “Tooth hurty a.m.”

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  • But I Like How Youre Thinking

    Teacher is teaching her class and notices that Johnny isn’t paying attention.

    So she calls on him: “Johnny, if there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?”

    Johnny says, “None.”

    The teacher asks, “Why?”

    Johnny replies, “Because the shot scared them all off.”

    The teacher says, “No, there would be two left, but I like how you’re thinking.”

    Then Johnny turns the tables and asks the teacher: “If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream—which one is married?”

    The teacher, trying to be proper, says, “The one sucking her ice cream.”

    Johnny grins and says, “No, the one with the wedding ring… but I like how you’re thinking!”

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