Banks should do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled.
This is the fifth one I’ve been to that says Insufficient Funds.
Delivery Style: bait and switch
Bait and switch joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Doctors Have Described His Condition as Stable
BREAKING NEWS: A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.
Doctors have described his condition as stable.
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Genealogist vs Gynecologist
What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
One looks up your family tree. The other looks up your family bush.
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Do Not Resuscitate
I gave my wife a bracelet that belonged to my grandmother. I thought that it was a caring gesture. My wife was not happy.
The bracelet said, “Do Not Resuscitate.”
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A Couple of No Shows
I was recently invited to a 3-way.
There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a great time.
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No Fuckin Chocolate
A customer walks into an ice cream shop and asks for a pint of chocolate ice cream.
The person behind the counter says, “I am sorry but we are out of chocolate ice cream, may I get you a different flavor?”
The customer thinks for a moment and asks for a quart of chocolate ice cream.
The person behind the counter says, “I am sorry but we are out of chocolate ice cream, we have no chocolate ice cream. Is there a different flavor that I can offer you?”
The customer thinks for a moment and asks for a half gallon of chocolate ice cream.
The worker’s jaw drops and they reflect on this for a moment, then ask the customer, “Can you spell the ‘van’ in vanilla?”
“What?” exclaims the customer. “What does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘van’ in vanilla.”
Skeptically the customer says, “Um, okay… V-A-N. But what does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘straw’ in strawberry.”
“What?” exclaims the customer. “What does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘straw’ in strawberry.”
Skeptically the customer says, “Um, okay… S-T-R-A-W. But what does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘fuck’ in chocolate.”
The customer thinks for a moment and exclaims, “There is no ‘fuck’ in chocolate!”
The worker replies, “Correct! That is what I have been trying to tell you — there is no fuckin’ chocolate.”
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Up to My Chin Should Do It
A man goes to a dermatologist with a rare skin disease. The doctor says, “Try a milk bath.”
So the guy goes to the grocery store and tells the dairy manager he needs enough milk to take a bath. The dairy guy asks, “You want that pasteurized?”
“Nah,” the man replies. “Up to my chin should do it.”
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Man Wanted for Robbery
I was out on a walk when I saw a sign that said, “Man wanted for robbery.”
So I went in and applied for the job.
