Delivery Style: deadpan

Deadpan joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I wonder why the sperm bank doesn’t have a drive-through teller.

I wonder why the sperm bank doesn’t have a drive-through teller. It seems like the logical next step since so many guys masturbate in their cars.
I apologize if my uber-hotness has caused problems for any local

I apologize if my uber-hotness has caused problems for any local businesses. I guess the guys just really like my “first served, first cum” motto.
It was difficult enough working up the nerve to address the

It was difficult enough working up the nerve to address the sexual problems in my marriage and suggest to my wife that maybe we should have an open relationship and have sex with other people. Her response of “THANK YOU, GOD!!!!” sure didn’t help.
I’m hoping that when I finally meet my Great Reward, my obituary

I’m hoping that when I finally meet my Great Reward, my obituary will say, “He died doing what he loved: coming up with filthy Ruminations on the shitter.”
Women sure are hard to figure out. My new girlfriend makes a big

Women sure are hard to figure out. My new girlfriend makes a big point of telling me she likes really rough sex, then she gets all pissed off about my sandpaper condom invention.
Everybody keeps referencing Jilly G. in their filthy

Everybody keeps referencing Jilly G. in their filthy Ruminations, hoping to score some points so they might get to bone her on the off chance they ever meet in person. Not me, though — I’m far too busy sending love sonnets to Mila Kunis’ vajayjay.
I kind of understand my long-distance girlfriend’s sudden

I kind of understand my long-distance girlfriend’s sudden decision to want to sleep with local guys when I’m not around. Her desire to sleep with them when I *am* around is more troubling.
part-time clowns in my community. So much for this “jury of my

part-time clowns in my community. So much for this “jury of my peers” business!
There’s probably no clearer sign that you made the right

There’s probably no clearer sign that you made the right decision to meet with your doctor about your sex addiction than your masturbating to the breast-self-exam pamphlet in the waiting room.
I don’t know why men are always so interested in tits. On the

I don’t know why men are always so interested in tits. On the other hand, I don’t know why *I’m* so interested in them either. Ah, the mysteries of life.