In my will, I’ve stated that I want my coffin to be made of aluminum foil and my body to be dipped in caramel and chocolate. I know that if I were someday reincarnated as a worm, I would appreciate it if someone had thought of that.
Delivery Style: deadpan
Deadpan joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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One of your snakes is digesting a rat
The worst part about being Medusa wouldn’t be turning people to stone on sight, but rather the unavoidable bad-hair days when one of your snakes is digesting a rat.
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Stop pretending that I cared
My wife stopped pretending to have orgasms years ago. That’s all right with me, though, because it allowed me to stop pretending that I cared.
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Until somebody fixes my cable
I’ve recently discovered how to unite gravity with the strong and weak nuclear forces and the electromagnetic force. This finally completes the much-sought-after Grand Unified Theory that confounded even Albert Einstein. But I’m not going to tell anybody what it is until somebody fixes my cable.
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At least she’ll never be hungry
I bet if an eagle’s daughter ever flew off with a buzzard, the eagle would react nobly and think, “Well, at least she’ll never be hungry.”
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I didn’t even know he was a health nut
I don’t really understand the popularity of this Pilate’s workout, but then, I’m not a very religious person. Hell, I didn’t even know he was a health nut.
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You don’t get any bigger than that
If I could be any concept, I would be infinity, ’cause man, you don’t get any bigger than that!
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I doubt they’d do it more than once
If the company that makes Q-Tips was really serious about wanting us only using them on the outsides of our ears, they’d make the little stick come to a needle-sharp point. People would still poke them into the canal, but I kind of doubt they’d do it more than once.
