I used to enjoy taking afternoon vacations in my mind, but I eventually got lazy and the service at my mental resort went downhill. So I stopped tipping, but now I suspect that I’ve begun spitting in my drinks to get even.
Delivery Style: One-liner
One-liner joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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And so I left Cape Canaveral wiser than I had arrived.
And so I left Cape Canaveral wiser than I had arrived. Maybe I hadn’t gotten Jeff Gordon’s autograph, but I had learned that NASA and NASCAR are not the same thing, and in the long run, that was probably more valuable.
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If this whole Heath Ledger tragedy has taught me anything, it’s that I’m not the only
If this whole Heath Ledger tragedy has taught me anything, it’s that I’m not the only one who makes numerous inappropriate calls to Mary-Kate Olsen with a dead body in the room.
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As the nurse unwrapped the bandages, I was horrified to discover I now looked like Tom
As the nurse unwrapped the bandages, I was horrified to discover I now looked like Tom Wopat. That quack plastic surgeon must have given me Luke-tox injections by mistake.
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I began to suspect that something was very wrong when the time management seminar went
I began to suspect that something was very wrong when the time management seminar went into its third week.
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Every time I look in my mirror I appear to be 30 pounds heavier and eight inches shorter.
Every time I look in my mirror I appear to be 30 pounds heavier and eight inches shorter. That’s the last time I buy used furniture at the carnival.
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Note to employees: The statement “Think outside the box” does *not* constitute
Note to employees: The statement “Think outside the box” does *not* constitute permission to leave it.
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Thomas Wolfe was wrong, you *can* go home again.
Thomas Wolfe was wrong, you *can* go home again. In fact, sometimes it’s strongly encouraged, like when you forget to wear pants to work.
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It’s a shame that whether or not I had a good Christmas will mostly be determined by
It’s a shame that whether or not I had a good Christmas will mostly be determined by whether the world ends before I receive my credit card bill.
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All sunglasses, no matter how expensive, pretty much look the same after you sit on them.
All sunglasses, no matter how expensive, pretty much look the same after you sit on them.
