Nursery rhymes are crucial in aiding young children to make sense of life’s baffling complexities. I mean, who’d want their kid freaking out every time they see a weasel spontaneously combust while fleeing from a mulberry-bush-orbiting monkey?
Delivery Style: One-liner
One-liner joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Wouldn’t it be great if pharmacies had people handing out samples like they do at the
Wouldn’t it be great if pharmacies had people handing out samples like they do at the supermarket? I guess the drug companies just aren’t as market-savvy as those pork rind people.
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Barring a rash of immaculate conceptions, you’ve got to think we’re on our last
Barring a rash of immaculate conceptions, you’ve got to think we’re on our last generation of on-line gamers and role playing geeks.
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The strange irony is that my mother told me there’d be days like this — including the
The strange irony is that my mother told me there’d be days like this — including the bit about the man in the tinfoil hat groping himself on the subway platform.
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Eskimo kisses are nice and French kisses are lots of fun, but you might want to think
Eskimo kisses are nice and French kisses are lots of fun, but you might want to think twice before combining them.
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My new co-workers at the slaughterhouse have been great, patiently showing me the ropes
My new co-workers at the slaughterhouse have been great, patiently showing me the ropes without any of the hazing I’d feared. I will say, though, that I hope the Testicle Fairy visits soon, because my pillow is starting to smell awful.
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If I’m to believe Occam’s Razor — that all things being equal, the most obvious answer
If I’m to believe Occam’s Razor — that all things being equal, the most obvious answer is usually the correct answer — then I must sadly admit that all spammers probably don’t share the exact same name and email address as my wife, and that all those “male enlargement” spam messages are actually from my wife.
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A dead camel with two humps may be in the shape of a heart, but it makes a poor Valentine.
A dead camel with two humps may be in the shape of a heart, but it makes a poor Valentine.
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Infomercials should only be viewed between 3 a.m.
Infomercials should only be viewed between 3 a.m. and 6 a.m. That’s when you’re desperate for sleep and watching George Foreman grill meat somehow makes sense on a higher metaphysical plane.
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If I grind too far, it breaks; but if I don’t grind enough, I cannot write.
If I grind too far, it breaks; but if I don’t grind enough, I cannot write. There’s something really Buddhist about this damn pencil sharpener.
